General

I think I'm a really good listener. I genuinely enjoy listening to people talk, and I'm usually pretty good at keeping a conversation going once it starts.

But I'm admittedly TERRIBLE at proactively reaching out and making connections with new people - both in person and online. I'm not on this site for any dating or romantic reasons - I just like connecting with other FA, FFA, and NBFA folks. However, I tend to overthink things, so I tend to stick to really safe stuff like, "So you like cats, too, huh? Um.... Cool." (Which feels really stilted and awkward in a Chris Farley kind of way.)

Anyway - was hoping that some of you could give some pointers on ways that introverts could start a conversation online that doesn't come across as either creepy/weird or like a job interview.

The forum can be a good place as it is limited by input and you’re not put on the spot in the same way a one on one conversation would be. Stick to topics that interest you.

My technique is to talk to people who are more interesting than me (which is a lot of people ) and be a really good listener. Hear what interests them and don’t be passive, but be an engaged listener. Then, steal their power, Shang Tsung style, and use that energy in your next battle. As you collect more and more souls, you can rise to become the greatest warrior of the earth realm.

Ha! +100 "FINISH HIM" answer

Thanks for the suggestions!

I heard that the closer we are to authentic, the more polarizing we become - some will be MORE attracted to our company because their interests align with our interests. Others will be further repelled as they clearly see that our interests don't align.

I guess I have to not worry about outcome and let outcome take its course.

Thank you!

Thanks for the advice! I am definitely a forums type of visitor.

I agree with all the advice here.

I'm kinda in the same boat. I often think it is safest to not poke your head out and not interact at all, as interactions invite risk. But, we gotta be a bit risky sometimes. Heck, even making this post is me stepping out of my comfort zone as an introvert.

With regards to maintaining a conversation, since it's a give and take effort, some will just fail. It's not necessarily a bad thing, though. People may want different things out of a conversation. Some are listeners, some are talkers, some want a bit of both. Having range to be either a talker or a listener is good, but it's a skill that requires practice. It's a combination of being yourself, but also reading and playing off of the other person that helps make a conversation thrive...

...Or maybe I've been doing this "socializing" thing all wrong :/

Thanks for your reply! I think a little of what you are trying to say is lost in translation - my guess is that English is a second language for you (thank you for making the effort of a written post in English!), but my overall impression is that you are saying:

1. Online communities are different than face-to-face interactions, and might include a greater percentage of people for whom communication might be a challenge
2. It is already rare to find in-person opportunities to discuss feederism in a positive and non-judgemental way, so please be kind to each other online.


Hope I got it right!

I'm also an introvert that used to have terrible social anxiety. Here are some of the things that worked for me.

- Don't hesitate to send the first message. If you understand that people enjoy having friends, then your conversation can't be an imposition.

- Easy conversation starters are to comment on something they posted, something in their profile, or really anything you have in common. Don't lead with something like "Hey" and wait for a response before initiating the actual conversation. A lot of people will leave you on read.

- If you're talking to someone from the feedist community or anything similar, it's better to bring up the feedist stuff sooner rather than later. The longer you make small talk and wait, the harder it'll become to finally cross that chasm. Plus, people generally want to know your intentions upfront anyway. Another benefit of putting your cards on the table is that it actually saves you from negative experiences. Worst case scenario is that they think you're weird and ghost you. So what? You've barely spoken to them, so they mean nothing to you. You've just saved yourself a lot of time that would be wasted trying to make awkward conversation in order to get their approval when ultimately they wouldn't have been interested anyway.

- You can try looking for groups based on other interests that have a lot of members local to you, that way you can arrange to hang out later. Online friendships are cool, but nothing is as satisfying as IRL.

- Fake it til you make it. Pretend that the other person is already a close friend that you've been hanging out with for years. They won't know that you're roleplaying, and will usually try to match your energy. If you do become friends, those feelings will become genuine anyway, so you won't be faking it anymore.

- Remember that being a "good listener" doesn't mean being passive in the conversation. Whenever they tell you something, you should try to relate it to your own experience or try to tell an anecdote or something. While people like talking about themselves, they like finding common ground even more.

- Try to tone down your filter. If you're mentally screening everything you say to make sure it's ok first, you will end up being slow to respond and stay quiet a lot. Speaking off the cuff can be hard at first, but you can actually practice when you're alone. Pick a topic and try voicing your thoughts out loud as you're thinking them, like a stream of consciousness. Once that feels natural, you can just do the same thing whenever there's an awkward silence in the conversation. It almost doesn't matter what you say. Saying something dumb or pointless can make you seem more interesting than if you just stayed quiet.

- Eye contact used to be hard for me, but if you feel like you need to look away too much, you can just stare at their forehead instead. They can't actually tell the difference.

- Remember that none of this actually matters in the grand scheme of things. The world has almost 8 billion people scratching around in the dark, trying to make sense out of chaos, but nobody actually has it figured out any better than you do. There's no excuse for not pursuing the things that make you feel fulfilled.

Very true, I forgot to mention that. They could be having a bad day from work and want to be left alone. They could be asleep, and then your message gets buried in their inbox. It could have nothing to do with you at all.