General

X_Larsson:
If set to Inside 800 km radius from stockholm (capturing most of Sweden population, some of Norway, Denmark, Finland and some Germany/Poland,
25yo and up women, straight or bi, feedee, gainer or mutual, and online in the last 12 months gives 36 hits in total!
And like I said, that is a pretty wide scope, in my opinion. Geographically, it covers over 15 million people, I guess. Most of Sweden, plus Oslo, Copenhagen, Warsaw, Berlin, Hamburg, Helsinki. Some big cities.

But again, my initial question was about going outside the preference. I could offer that, haha, "instant friend zone", but without benefits?

X_Larsson:
If set to Inside 800 km radius from stockholm (capturing most of Sweden population, some of Norway, Denmark, Finland and some Germany/Poland,
25yo and up women, straight or bi, feedee, gainer or mutual, and online in the last 12 months gives 36 hits in total!
And like I said, that is a pretty wide scope, in my opinion. Geographically, it covers over 15 million people, I guess. Most of Sweden, plus Oslo, Copenhagen, Warsaw, Berlin, Hamburg, Helsinki. Some big cities.

But again, my initial question was about going outside the preference. I could offer that, haha, "instant friend zone", but without benefits?

Malvineous:
Ok, so there are only 3 viable options that I see for you.

1. Leave feedism in the realm of fantasy only. If you stopped looking for feedees, I'm sure that you can find a normal BBW. I guarantee you, there are fat women in Sweden somewhere. If she eventually loses weight and slims down, you could always get viagra. If you find yourself in a sexless marriage, that's pretty much a guarantee for unhappiness for both you.

2. Leave Sweden. Move the US, we probably have more feedees per capita than anywhere else in the world. It won't be easy. You'll have to save as much money as you can, it might even take you over a year to save for a one-way ticket and a month's living expenses. Arrange to get a job before you leave. Then, part ways with your friends and family and start fresh.

3. Don't date. Learn to accept living alone. You can still have friends of course, even with women. But you will slowly grow old, never getting to experience a romantic connection or have a family. Year by year, you will become more depressed, more bitter, more filled with regret. That's how the rest of your life will go if you stay stuck in one place.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but sometimes there are no good options. You just have to choose the lesser of 2 evils.

@Munchies,
By your definition, 99% of men are probably shallow. We're just wired differently. Maybe that's a bad thing, but it's outside of our control. Shaming someone for not being able to get an erection, for whatever reason, is not helpful.

Munchies:
Let's call a spade a spade. If you need to have a woman above a certain BMI to have an erection, you're just shallow.

Preferences are fine. Having compatible lifestyles is excellent. But if you need a partner of a certain size to be happy, you are shallow.

Let's flip this on its head. If a man said, "I am only attracted to thin women, but I am struggling to find any right for me. Maybe I can try my luck with fat women, but I would never want to sleep with them," everyone would call him shallow.

X_Larsson:
And you bring out the shaming gun again, just like you tried to imply porn overuse before, utterly false.
So predictible...

Feedism is not exclusively a BMI thing, as you very well know.
Recurring themes I see feedees use are:
Love to eat (often excessive overeating too)
Love to be pampered
Love the feeling of being fat
Does not mind, or actively enjoys gaining weight
Feel a strong bond between feeding aspects and sexual experiences

That is a set of distinct characteristics that put them in a completely different place, than the understimulated, depressed, unloved women that have stress eaten themselves into 25 kg of overweight.

X_Larsson:
If set to Inside 800 km radius from stockholm (capturing most of Sweden population, some of Norway, Denmark, Finland and some Germany/Poland,
25yo and up women, straight or bi, feedee, gainer or mutual, and online in the last 12 months gives 36 hits in total!
And like I said, that is a pretty wide scope, in my opinion. Geographically, it covers over 15 million people, I guess. Most of Sweden, plus Oslo, Copenhagen, Warsaw, Berlin, Hamburg, Helsinki. Some big cities.

But again, my initial question was about going outside the preference. I could offer that, haha, "instant friend zone", but without benefits?

Letters And Numbers:
Based on the way you project yourself in this thread, I would say no, don’t go outside your preferences to try to try to date women you won’t be attracted to. Maybe just start with making friends. And don’t dismiss therapy. I think you may be developing an unhealthy relationship with this kink or fetish or whatever term works best for you.

X_Larsson:
That is a somewhat odd way of framing your reply. I am still very interested in hearing how you base your recommendation. It might be helpful for me to know. Thanks!

Letters And Numbers:
When you “meet a woman with whom [you] share at least some intellectual and psycological common ground, and where things are fun and drama free”, what is stopping you from becoming her friend?

X_Larsson:
Yup. That is my original assumption here, and also what I wonder about. Friends, no benefits (?), but some strings attached (as friendship means).

Munchies:
I did not say that being shallow was or was not a moral failing. I just said he was shallow. And the issue isn't about getting an erection or not.

Let me put it to you another way. Let's say that OP is able to find the BBW of his dreams. They fall in love, get married - the whole nine yards. But during the course of the marriage, she loses weight. Maybe it's her choice, she gets sick, whatever.

If he cannot find his wife sexy at a smaller size, wouldn't he be shallow?

Munchies:
Porn overuse? I think you got me confused with another commenter because I never mentioned that nor did I imply it. I said don't compare your struggles as a feeder to the struggles gay people face.

I find it odd you think there are only two kinds of fat women: feedists and women who let themselves go. There are plenty of women who happen to be fat and are living full, happy lives. I am starting to think you don't have a lot of experience with women in general.

But circling back to the issue at hand, it seems to me that you are missing the point of what I am saying. The issue isn't what the woman looks like so much as it is the objectification of women that's the problem.

Now, if you meant that you'd be fine with a woman of any size - big or small - so long as she is a feedist, I will take the L and apologize for misunderstanding you. But that doesn't mean you haven't been talking about women like we are a different species for this entire thread. And I am not the only person to have arrived at that conclusion.

X_Larsson:
You put the "THIS" gif directly below the post with porn overuse.

And now again you try to shame me, implying that "I do not have much experience with women", haha. Well, I do have a few decades, not an incel, haha...

Then: there is NOT plenty of fat and happy regular women here in Sweden, at all!

You repeatedly returning to "male shallowness" is a brilliant example as to how men and women function quite differently in partner selection and peerbonding strategies.

Malvineous:

Women seem to have a more multi-factored list of things that they find attractive in a partner, so if he lacks in one area, there's still other areas to fall back on. Here's an equivalent for women: Let's say he gets married like you said. Then one day, he gets fired and refuses to look for any work, he just wants her to be the sole breadwinner, so that he can spend all his time playing video games and smoking weed. He doesn't want to take over the housework either. Anything that distracts from his gaming is met with frustration. That includes showering, so he starts neglecting his hygiene. On top of that, he gets fat when she likes fit guys, and he grows a weird beard. These are all symptoms of severe depression, but he stubbornly refuses to get help or talk to her about it. Do you think she would still find him sexy?

Munchies:
I did not say that being shallow was or was not a moral failing. I just said he was shallow. And the issue isn't about getting an erection or not.

Let me put it to you another way. Let's say that OP is able to find the BBW of his dreams. They fall in love, get married - the whole nine yards. But during the course of the marriage, she loses weight. Maybe it's her choice, she gets sick, whatever.

If he cannot find his wife sexy at a smaller size, wouldn't he be shallow?


Malvineous:
Shallowness is seen as a bad thing, it's considered a character flaw. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but when someone points out another's flaws with such direct language, it's always going to be perceived as shaming. Especially in text, when tone of voice can't be heard.

In the case you gave, he would probably still be in love with her and care about her deeply, and would still value the marriage. However, most men's sexual attraction is based either on physical looks or sex acts if they involve a kink. If both of those are completely gone, he may not feel aroused at all. In that case, he may need to find work-arounds so he can still maintain a sex life, and basically just close his eyes and think of England.

Women seem to have a more multi-factored list of things that they find attractive in a partner, so if he lacks in one area, there's still other areas to fall back on. Here's an equivalent for women: Let's say he gets married like you said. Then one day, he gets fired and refuses to look for any work, he just wants her to be the sole breadwinner, so that he can spend all his time playing video games and smoking weed. He doesn't want to take over the housework either. Anything that distracts from his gaming is met with frustration. That includes showering, so he starts neglecting his hygiene. On top of that, he gets fat when she likes fit guys, and he grows a weird beard. These are all symptoms of severe depression, but he stubbornly refuses to get help or talk to her about it. Do you think she would still find him sexy?

Malvineous:

Women seem to have a more multi-factored list of things that they find attractive in a partner, so if he lacks in one area, there's still other areas to fall back on. Here's an equivalent for women: Let's say he gets married like you said. Then one day, he gets fired and refuses to look for any work, he just wants her to be the sole breadwinner, so that he can spend all his time playing video games and smoking weed. He doesn't want to take over the housework either. Anything that distracts from his gaming is met with frustration. That includes showering, so he starts neglecting his hygiene. On top of that, he gets fat when she likes fit guys, and he grows a weird beard. These are all symptoms of severe depression, but he stubbornly refuses to get help or talk to her about it. Do you think she would still find him sexy?

Letters And Numbers:
I think your example is a situation that’s very real, and tragically common, but if a person (of any gender) falls out of love with a partner who refuses to help themselves, better themselves, and refuses to treat mental illness, I would never call that being shallow. Would you?