1 year
Being a better ally to fat(ter) people
ForeverFFA:
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to create a thread where people can discuss experiences of being confronted for having, or preferring to have, fat(ter) partners. How did you handle these remarks, and how do you think responses could be even more constructive and kind?
I want this thread to be a respectful and judgement free zone for people to learn from their mistakes. My hope is also that anyone who is denying their preferences will come to realize that it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks of them for it.
I've been pretty fortunate in my life to be surrounded by people who are open-minded and nonchalant about who I like and choose to date. However, I still had one family member who wouldn't stop making fat jokes about some of the guys I liked. I also had an uncomfortable experience where this same person thought it would be funny to call out my preferences to the rest of my family in the middle of a movie by saying they bet I liked one of the characters because he was chubby. Everyone else laughed and looked uncomfortable, and I was so mortified at the time that I didn't say anything. Now I know better that this person was just embarrassing themselves by being rude and invasive, and I wish I had a better comeback.
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to create a thread where people can discuss experiences of being confronted for having, or preferring to have, fat(ter) partners. How did you handle these remarks, and how do you think responses could be even more constructive and kind?
I want this thread to be a respectful and judgement free zone for people to learn from their mistakes. My hope is also that anyone who is denying their preferences will come to realize that it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks of them for it.
I've been pretty fortunate in my life to be surrounded by people who are open-minded and nonchalant about who I like and choose to date. However, I still had one family member who wouldn't stop making fat jokes about some of the guys I liked. I also had an uncomfortable experience where this same person thought it would be funny to call out my preferences to the rest of my family in the middle of a movie by saying they bet I liked one of the characters because he was chubby. Everyone else laughed and looked uncomfortable, and I was so mortified at the time that I didn't say anything. Now I know better that this person was just embarrassing themselves by being rude and invasive, and I wish I had a better comeback.
Except for my first and third boyfriends, I've always gone for bigger guys. No one cared, for the most part - except for my mother.
My mother is fatphobic. She called me fat when I went from 115 lbs (underweight for my height of 5'7"
to 120 (the low end of a normal weight). So she always had something to say about the actually fat people I dated.Her one saving grace is that she never did it to their face. Instead, she'd come to me and make "jokes" or comments about their size.
I didn't really know what to do. I knew what she was doing was wrong, but I was too afraid to confront her. Plus, she was abusive to me, and I was afraid of the backlash.
For a while, I'd say, "He's sensitive about that," and left. But she'd always say something later. Then, one day, I got so fed up that I said, "Gossip is a sin."
My mom is super religious, so that startled her. But it did get an apology out of her.
Eventually, once I could stand up for myself, it was easier to stand up for my partners and love interests. Now, all I have to do is glare at her and say, "Mother."
1 year
Being a better ally to fat(ter) people
ForeverFFA:
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to create a thread where people can discuss experiences of being confronted for having, or preferring to have, fat(ter) partners. How did you handle these remarks, and how do you think responses could be even more constructive and kind?
I want this thread to be a respectful and judgement free zone for people to learn from their mistakes. My hope is also that anyone who is denying their preferences will come to realize that it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks of them for it.
I've been pretty fortunate in my life to be surrounded by people who are open-minded and nonchalant about who I like and choose to date. However, I still had one family member who wouldn't stop making fat jokes about some of the guys I liked. I also had an uncomfortable experience where this same person thought it would be funny to call out my preferences to the rest of my family in the middle of a movie by saying they bet I liked one of the characters because he was chubby. Everyone else laughed and looked uncomfortable, and I was so mortified at the time that I didn't say anything. Now I know better that this person was just embarrassing themselves by being rude and invasive, and I wish I had a better comeback.
Munchies:
Except for my first and third boyfriends, I've always gone for bigger guys. No one cared, for the most part - except for my mother.
My mother is fatphobic. She called me fat when I went from 115 lbs (underweight for my height of 5'7" to 120 (the low end of a normal weight). So she always had something to say about the actually fat people I dated.
Her one saving grace is that she never did it to their face. Instead, she'd come to me and make "jokes" or comments about their size.
I didn't really know what to do. I knew what she was doing was wrong, but I was too afraid to confront her. Plus, she was abusive to me, and I was afraid of the backlash.
For a while, I'd say, "He's sensitive about that," and left. But she'd always say something later. Then, one day, I got so fed up that I said, "Gossip is a sin."
My mom is super religious, so that startled her. But it did get an apology out of her.
Eventually, once I could stand up for myself, it was easier to stand up for my partners and love interests. Now, all I have to do is glare at her and say, "Mother."
ForeverFFA:
I'm really sorry you had that from your own mother. My parents were fatphobic in their own right but never wanted me to be unhealthily thin. They also never really concerned themselves much with who I dated, so I was off the hook in that department.
For me it was a much older sibling who was insecure and discovered early on that it was "cool" to make jokes at others' expenses. It had nothing to do with my romantic interests' weight at all and everything to do with looking for cheap laughs. That's usually what it's about imo.
Anyway, I'm glad you found the strength to stand up for yourself in the end.
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to create a thread where people can discuss experiences of being confronted for having, or preferring to have, fat(ter) partners. How did you handle these remarks, and how do you think responses could be even more constructive and kind?
I want this thread to be a respectful and judgement free zone for people to learn from their mistakes. My hope is also that anyone who is denying their preferences will come to realize that it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks of them for it.
I've been pretty fortunate in my life to be surrounded by people who are open-minded and nonchalant about who I like and choose to date. However, I still had one family member who wouldn't stop making fat jokes about some of the guys I liked. I also had an uncomfortable experience where this same person thought it would be funny to call out my preferences to the rest of my family in the middle of a movie by saying they bet I liked one of the characters because he was chubby. Everyone else laughed and looked uncomfortable, and I was so mortified at the time that I didn't say anything. Now I know better that this person was just embarrassing themselves by being rude and invasive, and I wish I had a better comeback.
Munchies:
Except for my first and third boyfriends, I've always gone for bigger guys. No one cared, for the most part - except for my mother.
My mother is fatphobic. She called me fat when I went from 115 lbs (underweight for my height of 5'7"
to 120 (the low end of a normal weight). So she always had something to say about the actually fat people I dated.Her one saving grace is that she never did it to their face. Instead, she'd come to me and make "jokes" or comments about their size.
I didn't really know what to do. I knew what she was doing was wrong, but I was too afraid to confront her. Plus, she was abusive to me, and I was afraid of the backlash.
For a while, I'd say, "He's sensitive about that," and left. But she'd always say something later. Then, one day, I got so fed up that I said, "Gossip is a sin."
My mom is super religious, so that startled her. But it did get an apology out of her.
Eventually, once I could stand up for myself, it was easier to stand up for my partners and love interests. Now, all I have to do is glare at her and say, "Mother."
ForeverFFA:
I'm really sorry you had that from your own mother. My parents were fatphobic in their own right but never wanted me to be unhealthily thin. They also never really concerned themselves much with who I dated, so I was off the hook in that department.
For me it was a much older sibling who was insecure and discovered early on that it was "cool" to make jokes at others' expenses. It had nothing to do with my romantic interests' weight at all and everything to do with looking for cheap laughs. That's usually what it's about imo.
Anyway, I'm glad you found the strength to stand up for yourself in the end.
Thanks, love.
It was a doozy. Thankfully, that's in the past now. My mother was abusive out of a skewed view of love. So when she finally realized that she would lose me forever, she started to atone for everything she did. She's still got a ways to go, but she's a lot better than she used to be. Even gave me an apology.
1 year
