General

Wow, I thought I had responded to this one already :-) But apparently not! ….

My first memory of encountering fat was a regained memory told to me years after the fact by my mother. I would play with the arm fat of any female relative when I was a toddler and was being held. I’m told my grandmother slapped me one time for doing it.

In young adulthood, I felt the attraction to chubby girls starting in middle school and on into high school. I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was out of high school (wasn’t ever part of the clique, as they say), but nothing turned me on like a pair of chubby cheeks, chubby upper arms or big thighs. Chubby bare feet still turn me on as well :-)

My first steady girlfriend wasn’t all that fat to start out with, but over five years we ate well enough to fill out the both of us. Her arms and belly puffed out mightily; probably gained at least 50 pounds being with me.

Another five-year relationship followed when I moved to another state. She was already heavy, about 5-6 and anywhere between 220 and 270 over the course of that time. She was insecure about it and, along with being bipolar and in denial about it, never really relaxed and enjoyed her own existence, much less her luscious figure.

I met my wife 10 years ago now, at a concert. Mutual friend of ours made sure we were both there. The friend figured we both needed to stumble upon each other after going through such rough previous relationships. I can still remember the first time I saw her short, 5-3 figure walking upon the rest of our friend group to meet up. A black blouse cut low to emphasize what I would eventually find out were 46 DDD breasts. Cute, chubby face and such a soft touch with everything. I was smitten, though it was another year before we started dating officially.

I was slowly but steadily getting a big ol’ ball belly during these years. A big, hard visceral fat basketball belly! She sure hasn’t minded, being a big girl herself for so long now. She was actually a tiny teen, just with out-of-proportion breasts for what was then her figure. I just recently saw pics of her at 13 that I hadn’t seen before. It’s truly amazing how petite and skinny she was before puberty and the rest of her teen years.

She had her first child barely out of high school and, according to her accounts, gained between 80 and 100 pounds between the pregnancy and health-related issues with certain meds’ effects on her. Three years later, she had the depo shot for birth control and got pregnant (and fatter) anyway with her second child. Wish I’d have known her then so I could have witnessed her waistline explode and her belly grow from being barely there to being so huge and sexy that she stopped wearing underwear at a certain point. Her butt also grew into a full-fledged “buttshelf” during that time. This is as good a point in the story as any to mention her bra band size was only in the low 30s entering her 20s. So that’s more than 12 inches gained just in her middle since then :-)

We had our first child together three years ago now. She was already just at 300 pounds, so she didn’t have to gain but maybe 20 during the pregnancy. Today, she’s a proud 340 pounds with a spirit that’s just as soft and tender as her skin :-) We’d have each other no other way but fat and happy :-)

Probably European Vacation. Audrey's dream where she eats and eats until she blows up like a balloon was oddly cool for me.

I had 2 completely separate awakenings to my fetish, about 19 years apart.

The first time I realized I had a fetish for bellies, weight gain, and such, I was extremely young, so young I don’t even remember it. It was just always there. My mom tells stories about how funny it was that when I was a toddler, I would rewind movies to rewatch the parts where a character overeats, gets fat, gets stuck in something because their belly is so big, etc. and that I would laugh and smile so much at those parts.

As I got a little older, I somehow innately knew I needed to keep this interest a secret. I would play alone in my room and act out fantasies with my dolls and stuffed animals. I never touched myself but I remember being physically turned on. I used a little tape recorder to record my stories while I roleplayed. I knew I was different and weird for liking these things, so I kept the tapes hidden.

I had all the typical interests. Stories, books, tv shows, and movies with fat themes would be reread/rewatched endlessly, and I loved the feeling I got each time I indulged. I had no desire to actually fatten myself, but I did like pretending to have a tummy ache and rubbing my own belly while moaning. I often padded while playing by myself or with friends too. Otherwise, my fetish was mostly based on admiration of others. I had a secret inner world of delightful fantasies.

Everything changed when I was about 8. We moved to a new house and my roleplaying tapes went missing. I tried to act normal as I asked my dad if he knew where they went, but I was obviously panicking. He sat me down and forced me to tell him what was on the tapes, but I didn’t even really know how to put it into words… I simply ended up saying, “I like fat people.” I was sobbing and humiliated. When he finally realized there was nothing dangerous on the tapes, he eased up and dropped the topic, but the damage was already done.

The shame I felt afterwards was so intense that I unintentionally repressed everything I had ever felt or thought or done about my belly fetish. I truly did not think about it for more than a decade. It was like I had deleted an entire part of my identity. Looking back on it now, I feel so sad for my younger self.

As a teenager, I had a vast, exploratory, and rocky sex life. I tried very hard to be “normal.” Even still, I did explore some more mainstream kinks, and some of them I really enjoyed. But nothing was ever like my belly fetish. With the repression of my belly fetish also came the repression of my bisexuality, so I only experimented with boys for the majority of my teen years.

I moved out of my parents house with my boyfriend at 18. One night, about a year into us living on our own, I was lying in bed with him sleeping next to me, exploring fetish content online. I came across something belly-related (I can’t even remember what now), and an overwhelming feeling of both familiarity and shame washed over me. It hit me so hard that I cried right then and there. A flood of memories came back to me- the play sessions as a kid, the cartoons and books, the tapes, the confrontation with my dad. I felt confused and disgusted with myself and horribly embarrassed and curious all at once.

I tried to push the fetish away again but it was like the floodgates had opened. I was so ashamed that I couldn’t talk about it at first, even with my boyfriend. I was so sure that this fetish made me a terrible person. But eventually the desire to explore it overpowered my feelings of shame, and I very, very, VERY slowly started to tell some of the closest people to me about it, eventually exploring it in small ways with sexual partners.

Now, at 27, I still struggle with shame, but it has lessened steadily over the years. I’ve even met a couple real life friends and partners who share my fetish and it has brought me so much joy. All my sexual partners now know about it and are extremely kind, respectful, and welcoming of my fantasies. I don’t engage in feedism in real life and I’m not sure I would want to, but I enjoy the fantasies and community so much. Just writing and posting this is evidence of how far I’ve come. I want to start posting my erotica and opening up more to this integral part of my sexuality. It’s a beautiful thing, really.

That is very sweet and touching. I hope that you manage to find acceptance and banish all traces of shame for what should be a joyful, happy thing.

The episode of Even Steven's, where Shia joins the wrestling team. But then he has to fight a girl cause of his weight class. So he tries to get out of it by eating until he passes out in a food coma. In his dream he stands up with a whole bunch of lard in his rear. After that, I'd fall asleep each night for awhile, imagining what it would feel like to get fat

When I started 5th grade, Roxie came in the classroom at least 25lbs heavier than she was in 4th grade. I began noticing my interest in weight gaining.

Later that year, I saw a romance comic book about a man who gain weight so he could date the secretary who fat. She wanted to date him but she was embarrassed to date a skinny guy. So she lost weight only to find out he got fat. It was such a turn on and peaked my wish to get fat.

I have always been an obsessive eater, with cravings like a pregnant person that have to be indulged.

From the time I was young, I was introduced to buffets, especially American ones. Those were moments I could eat a much as I possibly could and not worry about the cost!!

I would laugh as I ate more than my mum and brother combined! I would get teased that my buttons would pop and it encouraged me to try harder!

Society kept encouraging me to lose weight, yet every time I needed a new size, or noticed a new bit of pudge, I would be enamored with it!

2014 I found this amazing world!! Now I want to live my life as fat and happy 😊

Super interesting story, and super relatable. Even before discovering sex, I found I had a fascination with fatness, fat people, and especially the process of becoming fat.

It felt like this really painful part of myself because it illicited so much self-judgement based on the opinions I saw of family, friends and society which demonised it. It definitely made me feel like there was something wrong with me for liking fatness, and once I discovered the sexual aspect of it when I became old enough, that judgement got even stronger, because I found it hard relating to other guy’s discussion of who they found attractive, etc.

I think today I have done a lot of inner work to accept myself more, become a bit more comfortable with this part of myself. I no longer think it’s something I should feel shame or guilt about, (in no small part due to websites like this one!!), and I was even able to discuss it with an ex girlfriend, but it’s definitely still something I’m not very open about in real life, and definitely makes dating more complicated.

I would be keen to hear more about what your day to day life is like at the moment when it comes to navigating romantic relationships, because it feels tricky when I have this kink, that a partner doesn’t share?

I think you raise a couple of notions that seems common for many of us.

First, for many of us, this thing occurs before puberty and often before we really understand sex or sexuality.

And second, as we move into puberty our thoughts and feelings about weight gain and fat and big bellies is often not merely confusing. It’s downright damaging. You feel shame and aloneness. You dare not mention your “perverted” thoughts to anyone.

Thank goodness for this site and others like it. For me, I realized there were many others like me when I read an excerpt from Dimensions Magazine in Harpers Monthly. From there, the internet opened up a lot of this for me. Thank goodness.

For me it was big bellies and tighs
Even when I was a kid it turned me on so much.