Fattening others

He told me his belly started to get in the way. He can't bend over that easily anymore, he gets tired faster and other things like that. Also, probably it's not that easy to hear from many people that he got fat and he's not looking so good anymore.

I really understand him and I want to support him, but at the same time one part of me just wants to beg him not to lose weight. Ofc I won't do that, I will never accept him doing something for me which makes him unhappy.

It's just...the things were really good and he made it seem like he actually enjoyed his weight gain so I didn't expect this and I'm sad about it.

I forgot to mention: first of all, this guy won't be ripped apart for not finding his gf as attractive as he was before. He'll be judged for wanting to break up with her for that, for not loving ger anymore, for criticising her and many things like that. It's absolutely normal to not find someone as attractive as you thought he was if he changes the way he looks.
But, you realise this isn't the same thing right? It's something to complain about your partener changing the way he looks if it already happened just because. It's something else if your partener wants to do it, but haven't done it yet.
If your gf wants to shave her head and you know you'll find this totally unattractive, you'll try to stop her and you won't be judged for that. It's absolutely normal to try to prevent a change you know will affect your attraction to your partener as long as at the end of the day you let her decide and you don't manipulate her.

I don't consider I'm the bad guy for telling my boyfriend he looks better now and that I would prefer him not losing weight. If I would ever tell him I won't find him attractive at all if he loses weight or I will break up with him or if I try to manipulate him using sex...yeah, in that case I would agree with you.

Feelings are just that, feelings.

I don’t know anyone who can totally control their feelings. It’s what you do with those feelings that matters.

You’re not a bad person. I’m not one to judge anyway. You never asked to be judged in any of this forum. You asked some advice.

I’m not one to give advice on this, but I think you are pretty wise in your approach and your thinking. You can listen to what others suggest, but it’s your future and his future. You all get to work it out and decide what to do with your love.

And it sounds like you both have great love and respect for each other. Best to you both through all these difficult times.

We are all going to change. We will age. We will wrinkle. We will grow fatter or skinnier. We will lose hair and then grow hair in new and unusual places. We will have scars and wounds.

There are changes you can’t control or decide. If you’re in it for the long haul, you know:

Love is more than just attraction.

And if your partner wants to experiment with changes, unless you find them so odious they make you I’ll, then give them their space.

My body. My life.

I think I heard that one somewhere.

I messed that up somehow. I will fix it later. When I have some patience.

People's bodies change all the time. How you look now will not be how you look later.

Ever see couples that have been together 40, 50, 60 years? Specifically the ones that are still in love with each other? They put in the work to achieve that. The truth is that no matter what your partner looks like, you can lose attraction to them anytime. And telling them "I'm not attracted to you," or "I'm less attracted to you," puts the burden on them.

And unless they are doing something no reasonable person would put up with like not bathing or being obnoxious, then it's a you issue, not a them issue.

My partner loves busty women. And I am very busty. If I went down several cup sizes and he said "I'm not attracted to you anymore," or "I find you less attractive," I'd be destroyed.

You have some things you need to work through - things that are not his burden to bear. If he asks, you can tell him "I'm sorry babe. I'm working through some things. They are not your fault, and you did nothing wrong. When I'm done, I'll tell you about it."

In the mean time, ask yourself if you can find other reasons to be attracted to him. When my partner decided to lose weight, he was terrified of me losing attraction to him. That never happened. If anything, the closer we get, the more I find myself attracted to him. Some of it involves me finding different reasons to be attracted to him. Like the growing muscle in his arms or how he has really nice cheekbones I never saw before. The rest is appreciating the things that don't change like his broad shoulders or sweet smile.

It's also important to find non-sexual reasons to be attracted to your partner. For me, it's things like how he makes me feel safe or his wicked sense of humor.

If you can find it in yourself to maintain your attraction, tell him. "Babe, I was worried I'd lose my attraction to you. But after thinking things through, I realize that's not going to be a problem." If you can't then you should probably end things. If not, the relationship will wither away and become filled with resentment.

Actually not, I don't repeat myself. It looks like that to you because probably you think now it's absolutely the same as I was worried he will lose weigh many months ago when I wasn't sure he actually enjoyed gaining or liked being fatter. But the things were really different back then. Since then we figured some things out and he enjoyed his weight gain. I talked to him many times to make sure he likes it and not only doing it for me and every time he assured me he enjoyed it.

Another big difference I didn't mentioned: we discussed about this 2 days ago and I asked him if losing weight will make him happier. He told me "no, but I won't feel pain from that belt anymore" and I asked him why doesn't he undo it when he sits down like others do. He told me he doesn't want to be like that. So basically, now he wants to lose weight because his belly got in his way at work, not because he doesn't feel good with how he looks. In the past it was about not being confortable with being fatter and he also didn't trust me I liked him fatter. Now, when I asked him if he doesn't want to gain weight ever again, he actually told me "ofc I will gain weight again, I like that". He also told me he likes his belly.

Anyway, sorry to bother you with thos topic, but you can just not read it anymore. I also use it just to talk with different people some things which I don't feel confortable to talk to him from the beginning.

Thank you for your advices. They're great as always, but this time I did it my way because the truth is no one here can know our relationship as good as we do. Some of the people make me look like some toxic evil GF and (even you) suggested breaking up.

But just as I said before, every relationship has its own rules.
We usually discuss everything. It's not the best idea everytime. Sometimes maybe we would have been happier if we didn't know some things, but this is us. So hidding the reasons of my sadness isn't something I can actually do without making him upset.
If one of us is sad or doesn't look ok, we discuss it immediately or sometimes later, but later as in 1-2hrs later, not days.

Abou attraction and physical attraction. Since you answered to this topic from the beginning you peobably remember that I was with him before gaining weight. So ofc I have many reasons I am attracted to him. But I think it's normal that we are attracted of our parteners in one form more than in another. And I doubt I'm the only one experiencing this. Even when you get old, ofc you should love your partener the same and you shouldn't be less attracted to them. Buuuut I doubt it will be the same physical attraction. I think it will be the same level because you'll find many reasons to be attracted to, not physic related.

Anyway, we aren't old yet. So we (both) find it normal to be as attractive as we can for each other as we can and we like. So if he likes blonde hair and I don't like being blonde, I won't be blonde just for him (it's just an example, not the case happily, he likes my hair color). Buut he likes long hair and I had some moments I wanted to cut it short. He just told me he wouldn't like that. Also he told me if it makes me happy and I really want that, I should do it. It didn't "make me happy", it was just a thing I wanted for the moment so I didn't do it since he told me he won't like it. But those kind of things are normal for us because, again, we try to tell each other everything. We don't decide for each other and we support each other if something makes one of us happy, but we stil tell our opinions even when some of them hurts. (I hesitated to tell him what I thought this time not because it could hurt, but because I was afraid it will make him keep his weight for me and I wanted to let him figure out what he wants without influencing because this is not as superficial as having short or long hair, it was about his confort)

It's the same for him wanting to lose weight now. I knew he loves eating. I knew he told me many times he likes his belly and how he looks since he gained weight. I know he's happy with a full belly. So I couldn't believe losing weight will make him happy so I was sad about it. We discuss it after all and I was right, he is happier now, but he doesn't feel confortable at work so he will los

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Angy523:
Thank you for your advices. They're great as always, but this time I did it my way because the truth is no one here can know our relationship as good as we do. Some of the people make me look like some toxic evil GF and (even you) suggested breaking up.

But just as I said before, every relationship has its own rules.
We usually discuss everything. It's not the best idea everytime. Sometimes maybe we would have been happier if we didn't know some things, but this is us. So hidding the reasons of my sadness isn't something I can actually do without making him upset.
If one of us is sad or doesn't look ok, we discuss it immediately or sometimes later, but later as in 1-2hrs later, not days.

Abou attraction and physical attraction. Since you answered to this topic from the beginning you peobably remember that I was with him before gaining weight. So ofc I have many reasons I am attracted to him. But I think it's normal that we are attracted of our parteners in one form more than in another. And I doubt I'm the only one experiencing this. Even when you get old, ofc you should love your partener the same and you shouldn't be less attracted to them. Buuuut I doubt it will be the same physical attraction. I think it will be the same level because you'll find many reasons to be attracted to, not physic related.

Anyway, we aren't old yet. So we (both) find it normal to be as attractive as we can for each other as we can and we like. So if he likes blonde hair and I don't like being blonde, I won't be blonde just for him (it's just an example, not the case happily, he likes my hair color). Buut he likes long hair and I had some moments I wanted to cut it short. He just told me he wouldn't like that. Also he told me if it makes me happy and I really want that, I should do it. It didn't "make me happy", it was just a thing I wanted for the moment so I didn't do it since he told me he won't like it. But those kind of things are normal for us because, again, we try to tell each other everything. We don't decide for each other and we support each other if something makes one of us happy, but we stil tell our opinions even when some of them hurts. (I hesitated to tell him what I thought this time not because it could hurt, but because I was afraid it will make him keep his weight for me and I wanted to let him figure out what he wants without influencing because this is not as superficial as having short or long hair, it was about his confort)

It's the same for him wanting to lose weight now. I knew he loves eating. I knew he told me many times he likes his belly and how he looks since he gained weight. I know he's happy with a full belly. So I couldn't believe losing weight will make him happy so I was sad about it. We discuss it after all and I was right, he is happier now, but he doesn't feel confortable at work so he will los[/quote]

It sounds like you all communicate well and often. Good for you.

And you are right. No one else knows what it’s like inside your relationship like you do. We don’t know you. We need not judge you negatively.

Telling someone you are with for some time that you’re no longer attracted or are losing your physical attraction seems a sure fire way to end the relationship or at least create misery within it.

The most important things in a relationship are compatibility, communication and compassion.

If you enjoy each other's company can talk about problems and work through them, and want what's best for each other, you can make it work.

Do not worry about your boyfriend losing too much weight. The odds are very "slim" that he will succeed over the long term. Most probably he's going to get fatter. So you can be patient - time is on your side.