Gaining

I was an overweight adolescent. I wanted then, to be slim and wear more stylish clothes. I would "pad" to get turned on or wear clothes that were way too small.
Later I was in the military reserves for over twenty years and had to stay in good shape (tested, weighed, etc twice a year). To get aroused padded or too small clothes and then of course the internet.
I retired from the military over ten years ago and I have been slowly but steadily gaining. I have gone from 206 lbs. to hitting 240 lbs. a week ago. I have a 48.5" waist with 45" around my butt.
I'm still a bit torn by the weight and girth, but in mirror in tight briefs, I love sticking out my belly as much as I can. I'm trying to curtail my binging and slow my gaining down.
I'm very old, in comparison to most of the people here on FF, so my weight really isn't an issue with my family or people I know or meet.

honestly there is no "making up your mind" I think. If you doubt whether or not you want to gain, then there's your answer. if you want to, you know.

Good point, you do or you don't.

Pretty much.

When that post-nut clarity hits, and the disgust/fear/disinterest sets in, it's a sign to leave the kink in fantasy.

That is an excellent point. I struggle with that same issue even though I am gaining.

When I'm turned on, I think about binging and gaining more and more weight. When I'm in my "normal" state, I not so sure. I'm finally getting "used" to my current appearance. Which helps to mitigate my fears of getting to fat.

Totally agree with this, but I will say: if the feelings are actually disgust/fear rather than simply disinterest, there can be some value in trying to interrogate why that is.

When I started having thoughts about gaining (after largely just being a feeder my whole life), I felt a ton of shame about it. I've spent a lot of time trying to unpick those feelings over the last few years, and I ended up realizing that a lot of it was internalized fatphobia (stuff like thinking masculine fat bodies were inherantly unattractive).

Forcing myself to confront that has honestly made my relationship with this kink - and my own body image - way more healthy, even though I still don't think I want to intentionally gain.

if the disgust/shame has a specific thought tied to it such as "omg this is so gross, my body looks terrible, why did I do this" then that's a sign of internalized fatphobia. Still it's not uncommon to have a general sensation of shame simply for pleasing yourself at all, and that's just more about self-esttem and confidence overall and not feeling like you deserve to have that kind of pleasure.

But if the disgust or shame feels more physical, like "wow I literally just splooged on myself, I need a shower, it'd be so embarrassing if someone saw" then I think that's just normal post-nut clarity.

Think most of us feel the same way... so easy to gain alone. So much more fun with someone who has similar interests. So maybe a relationship where mutual gaining can take place. #RuinEachOther

my advice is and has always been to just enjoy yourself, indulge your appetite and what happens happens no need to force anything

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