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Advice for accepting fetish?

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Angelhoney   United States
Joined 5 years
I have accepted my fetish a lot this yr, and have had more healthy convos about it with my boyfriend. He’s accepting of it, but not into it sexually.

I have gained a little weight recently and it’s constantly on my mind. I find it very hot and I love the weight but part of myself hates myself for “letting myself go”. I’ve always been skinny my whole life, and have had a sort of inner fat phobia. I find fat bodies very beautiful but judge myself harshly for seeing it on myself.

How do I stop caring what others think? I feel like I need to see a sex therapist from all the fat phobia my mother raised me with.
11 months

Advice for accepting fetish?

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Letters And Numbers   United States
Joined 1 year
administrator
Angelhoney:
I have accepted my fetish a lot this yr, and have had more healthy convos about it with my boyfriend. He’s accepting of it, but not into it sexually.

I have gained a little weight recently and it’s constantly on my mind. I find it very hot and I love the weight but part of myself hates myself for “letting myself go”. I’ve always been skinny my whole life, and have had a sort of inner fat phobia. I find fat bodies very beautiful but judge myself harshly for seeing it on myself.

How do I stop caring what others think? I feel like I need to see a sex therapist from all the fat phobia my mother raised me with.


Maybe this is a dumb idea, but what about having something like professional boudoir photos taken of you? The excuse could be as a gift to him, but it would also be a confidence boosting thing for you? Or even a professional holiday photo shoot with the two of you? But I bang the therapy drum pretty loud. I think it’s good for everyone.
11 months

Advice for accepting fetish?

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Canderson206   United States
Joined 9 years
I think therapy *can* help, but you'll want to work with a therapist who is actually kink-positive. Plenty of therapists are not, and feedist/fat attractions aren't exactly considered to be mainstream or normal sexual desires.

I think a lot of folks in this community could benefit from therapy though. Especially given the type of stuff I've seen posted on the forums and in the stories....yuck 🤢

Best of luck to you in this journey of self discovery. Coming to terms with your desires is liberating.
11 months

Advice for accepting fetish?

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StoryEnjoyer   United States
Joined 1 year
I can relate to you but I don't think I have many solutions to the problems you face unfortunately. I too, am caught in this loop of wanting to get huge, then being disgusted with myself and working out more. I have had this sort of growth mindset since I was a kid, and I believe it was the driving force that grew me to 310 lbs at my highest. Despite never being a conscious gainer, my subconscious knew what I liked I guess. But then I lost a ton of weight, and now I am sort of in that previously mentioned limbo of not accepting what I like, worrying about what others think, and also worrying I won't find someone (not even someone into this, just in general).

So as you can see, I am aware of your situation somewhat, and if you need someone to talk to send me a message and I can toss you my telegram.
11 months

Advice for accepting fetish?

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Angelhoney   United States
Joined 5 years
Angelhoney:
I have accepted my fetish a lot this yr, and have had more healthy convos about it with my boyfriend. He’s accepting of it, but not into it sexually.

I have gained a little weight recently and it’s constantly on my mind. I find it very hot and I love the weight but part of myself hates myself for “letting myself go”. I’ve always been skinny my whole life, and have had a sort of inner fat phobia. I find fat bodies very beautiful but judge myself harshly for seeing it on myself.

How do I stop caring what others think? I feel like I need to see a sex therapist from all the fat phobia my mother raised me with.

Letters And Numbers:
Maybe this is a dumb idea, but what about having something like professional boudoir photos taken of you? The excuse could be as a gift to him, but it would also be a confidence boosting thing for you? Or even a professional holiday photo shoot with the two of you? But I bang the therapy drum pretty loud. I think it’s good for everyone.


That is not a bad idea. I’ve been in nude photoshoots I’ve starved myself over. I haven’t modeled in a couple years and I think it would be a body positive confidence boost. Thank you for the advice!
11 months

Advice for accepting fetish?

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AskDrFeeder   United States
Joined 15 years
Make friends with fat people. This will normalize fatness in your mind and make it easier to deal with.

You shouldn't dump your thinner friends, but a little distance might be good, especially if they are judgmental fitness freaks or diet Nazis.
11 months

Advice for accepting fetish?

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NYCBellyBlimp   United States
Joined 3 years
AskDrFeeder:
Make friends with fat people. This will normalize fatness in your mind and make it easier to deal with.

You shouldn't dump your thinner friends, but a little distance might be good, especially if they are judgmental fitness freaks or diet Nazis.


+1.
Associating with more fatties will help in the long run especially. Some are more active, some are more sedentary. It can also help you decide whether to keep it as kink/fetish while seeing if a lifestyle change suits you. Good Luck.. as I chose to distance myself from fatphobic friends/family as much as possible.
11 months

Advice for accepting fetish?

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Kacchan   United States
Joined 1 year
Quiet Cow:
I can relate. While I am miles better than I was, I still have moments like what you described. It can be complicated when you have this kink, but have internalized messages that go against it. I'm also very new in body acceptance and accepting my kinks. What helps me is taking selfies and video of myself and not trying to hide my fat. Another thing that helps me is to really get acquainted with my body and treat it lovingly--making sure to touch my belly in a nice way, not in a judgemental way. Thinking of myself as a fat person--instead of a skinny person "trapped" in fat body--has helped too.


This is such a helpful post - I especially appreciate your last point, as it can be a struggle to avoid self-judgment if your physical body is larger and chunkier than your mental static image of yourself. Thank you for sharing this advice!
10 months