Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Joined 4 years

Morbidly A Beast:
If you look through the threads what happens is pretty obvious, and it’s not hard to figure out what occurs. Someone goes off the goop and says something insensitive they get called on it then rather than owning up to it and saying I messed up they double down and it spirals from there.

I just like to clown people I made a sarcastic mocking statement and a dude took that to go on a little dark age tik tok edit about how the west was falling nonsense. asking people to be decent human beings is to much sometimes

Oh God, I remember that one. It was wild.

Everyone goofs up. Even I've said things unintentionally messed up. To err is human. But what's important is how you respond to criticism.

Do you take the time to listen and learn? Or do you insist you've done nothing wrong ever and quadruple down?

I've seen users get blasted for bad takes before. The ones who didn't mean to be bigoted always apologize and ask how they can be better. When that happens, any drama dies down, and everyone's chill.

It's nice.

But when people quadruple down, it gets really toxic really quickly.

2 years

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Enas

Joined 5 years

Morbidly A Beast:
If you look through the threads what happens is pretty obvious, and it’s not hard to figure out what occurs. Someone goes off the goop and says something insensitive they get called on it then rather than owning up to it and saying I messed up they double down and it spirals from there.

I just like to clown people I made a sarcastic mocking statement and a dude took that to go on a little dark age tik tok edit about how the west was falling nonsense. asking people to be decent human beings is to much sometimes

That, ironically, is a self fulfilling prophecy!! O.o

2 years

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Plump Belly To Curvy

Joined 5 years

A related point, though I wouldn't imagine it would be reason to lock a post, is remember the name and purpose of this site. Fantasy Feeder.

Please don't buzzkill on people's fantasies unless they would be harmful, dangerous, or illegal (in which case the post should probably be removed). We have a lot of feeder info and fantasies, but I've seen some fun ones get shut down by practicalities which may or may not be valid. Sometimes people may just want to imagine. If they want realities, they can ask for that.

2 years

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Munchies

Joined 4 years

Plump Belly To Curvy:
A related point, though I wouldn't imagine it would be reason to lock a post, is remember the name and purpose of this site. Fantasy Feeder.

Please don't buzzkill on people's fantasies unless they would be harmful, dangerous, or illegal (in which case the post should probably be removed). We have a lot of feeder info and fantasies, but I've seen some fun ones get shut down by practicalities which may or may not be valid. Sometimes people may just want to imagine. If they want realities, they can ask for that.

Eeeeeeehhhhhh

I feel like you and I have very different realities. Generally speaking, people post their fantasies in peace on here. You might get a handful of people posting "don't do this" but that's it. There are threads on here about topics the majority of users find distastful, but nearly everyone leaves them alone.

I've seen some fizzle out over time, but they are still very much unlocked.

With that said, sometimes people post things that need to be checked. The most common ones are when the inital post appears as if the user is actually doing something messed up in reality. Then, when they get checked on it, they claim it was just a fantasy.

No one believes them when this happens.

Another one, and this is the kind I often check, are those where someone fantasies about a fattening method that someone else might try. Even if the original poster has no plans to do it, someone will take it as advise. And I know this because I get DMs from time to time thanking me because they planned on trying something until I debunked it.

The last one that tends to get checked are the ones riddled with bigotry like fatphobia, misogyny, racism, homophobia, or transphobia.

Other than that? People are left in peace.

2 years

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Malvineous

Joined 19 years

Munchies:
I think you have a misunderstanding about how bigotry works. A lot of times, people will say bigoted things without realizing what they are saying is bad. Sometimes, they'll say something they think is a compliment or a joke but is actually deeply harmful.

Sometimes, if you are lucky, you can explain why what they said was harmful, and they will apologize and learn from it. But most of the time, they'll minimize or dismiss what you're saying. And if you push the issue, it's common for them to go mask off and say something really bigoted.

Now, I have seen well-meaning people accuse someone of bigotry when they weren't being bigoted. However, that is rare. In the two years I've been on this site, I can count the number of "false positives" on one hand. And, once again, not understanding why something is bigoted isn't a "false positive."

I see where you're coming from, but one thing I've noticed is that most people seem to be completely incapable of handling criticism on any level, even if it's constructive. Not just about bigotry, but pretty much anything. It's totally possible that someone starts off well-intentioned, is told that they said something offensive, and then their kneejerk reaction is to defend their honor tooth and nail against a false accusation in their eyes. I guess I see people's defensiveness as being more of a personality problem than an opinion problem if that makes sense, and I do feel more inclined to grant some leeway to someone who just put their foot in their mouth without thinking though what they said. Of course it really depends on a case by case basis and how inflammatory they become. There's also ways to bring it to their attention that are more likely to make them listen to you, like saying "Just so you're aware, there are a lot of people who are hurt when people say X because of Y reason", instead of trying to dunk on them or be sarcastic or condescending. If they still want to argue after being that nice about it, then you really do know where they stand.

2 years

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Munchies

Joined 4 years

Munchies:
I think you have a misunderstanding about how bigotry works. A lot of times, people will say bigoted things without realizing what they are saying is bad. Sometimes, they'll say something they think is a compliment or a joke but is actually deeply harmful.

Sometimes, if you are lucky, you can explain why what they said was harmful, and they will apologize and learn from it. But most of the time, they'll minimize or dismiss what you're saying. And if you push the issue, it's common for them to go mask off and say something really bigoted.

Now, I have seen well-meaning people accuse someone of bigotry when they weren't being bigoted. However, that is rare. In the two years I've been on this site, I can count the number of "false positives" on one hand. And, once again, not understanding why something is bigoted isn't a "false positive."

Malvineous:
I see where you're coming from, but one thing I've noticed is that most people seem to be completely incapable of handling criticism on any level, even if it's constructive. Not just about bigotry, but pretty much anything. It's totally possible that someone starts off well-intentioned, is told that they said something offensive, and then their kneejerk reaction is to defend their honor tooth and nail against a false accusation in their eyes. I guess I see people's defensiveness as being more of a personality problem than an opinion problem if that makes sense, and I do feel more inclined to grant some leeway to someone who just put their foot in their mouth without thinking though what they said. Of course it really depends on a case by case basis and how inflammatory they become. There's also ways to bring it to their attention that are more likely to make them listen to you, like saying "Just so you're aware, there are a lot of people who are hurt when people say X because of Y reason", instead of trying to dunk on them or be sarcastic or condescending. If they still want to argue after being that nice about it, then you really do know where they stand.

It's nice to be nice, but it doesn't matter. If you're harming a community, you're not obligated to be treated nicely - especially by a member of the community.

I remember one time, not on here, but I said something incorrect about the lesbian experience. I thought I was being a good ally, but I wasn't. Two lesbians dunked on me, and I deserved it. So I apologized.

I bowed out of the conversation and made sure to educate myself.

I'm not trying to change hearts and minds. I tried that once upon a time until I realized how few people are willing to reevaluate their worldview by some rando on the internet. Instead, I correct misinformation and provide different viewpoint. That way those watching the exchange have access to the truth and those that disagree with the person posting bigotted information feel safe enough to say something.

2 years

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Letters And Numbers

Joined 3 years

X_Larsson:
To sum it up, the many interventions by moderators are that some people are "offended" by something, even if it is not personal attacks or denigrating statements?
Alternatively, shut down preventively by moderators before anyone complains?

So discussions are not really discussions, more of somewhat uniform flow of inputs, morally approved, in the "virtues" currently "in fashion" of more conformistic parts of the society? And avoiding to potentially "hurt someone" is consistently more important than discussing the topics? (There are clearly some people that should be more protected than others.)

It is good if the contents of these applied (but not always stated) rules are clear, which they obviously are not, by looking at the numbers of stopped discussions (as I referred to in my initial question).

Again, this is posted as I see that many discussions (that I not posted in) develop in very odd directions.

I don’t see a lot of mod/admin interaction on the site at all. Maybe we’re reading different threads? Fundamentally, though, this is a completely privately owned business that’s trying to be welcoming to the greatest number of people possible to get them to spend money here. That means content creators need to want to post their content here and enough customers need to want to use the site to spend their money. If that doesn’t happen, the site dies. It’s not the great town hall with unlimited free speech. It’s a business.

I’d love to see more interaction from mods/admins though. When a thread gets locked, say why. Even if it’s “the discussion in this thread has gotten hostile. Thread locked” I think I’ve seen threads unlocked after people calm down a bit, and then locked again when it turns back into a fight. A little more interaction might make what’s going on more clear. I only mod one small section of the site, so fortunately I’ve never had to lock a thread, but if it happens I will be sure to post a reason so it’s clear.

2 years

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Munchies

Joined 4 years

X_Larsson:
To sum it up, the many interventions by moderators are that some people are "offended" by something, even if it is not personal attacks or denigrating statements?
Alternatively, shut down preventively by moderators before anyone complains?

So discussions are not really discussions, more of somewhat uniform flow of inputs, morally approved, in the "virtues" currently "in fashion" of more conformistic parts of the society? And avoiding to potentially "hurt someone" is consistently more important than discussing the topics? (There are clearly some people that should be more protected than others.)

It is good if the contents of these applied (but not always stated) rules are clear, which they obviously are not, by looking at the numbers of stopped discussions (as I referred to in my initial question).

Again, this is posted as I see that many discussions (that I not posted in) develop in very odd directions.

Who hurt you?

2 years

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Munchies

Joined 4 years

X_Larsson:
To sum it up, the many interventions by moderators are that some people are "offended" by something, even if it is not personal attacks or denigrating statements?
Alternatively, shut down preventively by moderators before anyone complains?

So discussions are not really discussions, more of somewhat uniform flow of inputs, morally approved, in the "virtues" currently "in fashion" of more conformistic parts of the society? And avoiding to potentially "hurt someone" is consistently more important than discussing the topics? (There are clearly some people that should be more protected than others.)

It is good if the contents of these applied (but not always stated) rules are clear, which they obviously are not, by looking at the numbers of stopped discussions (as I referred to in my initial question).

Again, this is posted as I see that many discussions (that I not posted in) develop in very odd directions.

Munchies:
Who hurt you?

X_Larsson:
Haha, the oh so predictible ad hominem! I am not hurt, and I have posted one question, the same as now is posted by @Letters and numbers; "When a thread gets locked, say why."

I do not care about politics, and I have only had one topic of mine shut down (obviously without any stated reason).
But in the interest of retaining some dynamics and interaction, having clear examples and justification would be good.

I dunno man. The snark and quotations around certain words suggests an unresolved personal trauma.

Would you like a virtual hug? Do you want to talk about it? A burden shared is a burden halved.

2 years

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Letters And Numbers

Joined 3 years

X_Larsson:
To sum it up, the many interventions by moderators are that some people are "offended" by something, even if it is not personal attacks or denigrating statements?
Alternatively, shut down preventively by moderators before anyone complains?

So discussions are not really discussions, more of somewhat uniform flow of inputs, morally approved, in the "virtues" currently "in fashion" of more conformistic parts of the society? And avoiding to potentially "hurt someone" is consistently more important than discussing the topics? (There are clearly some people that should be more protected than others.)

It is good if the contents of these applied (but not always stated) rules are clear, which they obviously are not, by looking at the numbers of stopped discussions (as I referred to in my initial question).

Again, this is posted as I see that many discussions (that I not posted in) develop in very odd directions.

Munchies:
Who hurt you?

X_Larsson:
Haha, the oh so predictible ad hominem! I am not hurt, and I have posted one question, the same as now is posted by @Letters and numbers; "When a thread gets locked, say why."

I do not care about politics, and I have only had one topic of mine shut down (obviously without any stated reason).
But in the interest of retaining some dynamics and interaction, having clear examples and justification would be good.

If I’m thinking of the same thread of yours that was locked several months back, I’d say it was because people were starting to dunk on you and there was no positive discussion going on anymore. It had stopped being positive pages back and was churning over the same ground and getting toxic. It wasn’t your fault, particularly, in as much as you weren’t being particularly hostile in return (you were getting pedantic though). It was just a blood in the water feeding frenzy. Personally, I don’t think there was anything more to say in that thread. You weren’t being convinced by what anyone else had to say, nobody at all was convinced by what you had to say, it was turning into ad homs and it was time for it to close. Seemed obvious to me, but what do i know.

2 years