I don't know why but ever since I found out someone in the Community got wls I've been in a very real state of mourning. Going on 8 years since I found out and I still cry when I think about it which is basically all the time. For perspective I loved my mother as deeply as a son could but since she passed I have not been able to cry once in the 2 months since she left us but I absolutely weep several times a week when I think about the other. Also I'm autistic and one of my traits is that things have to make sense through logic and mathematics but a thin person intentionally gaining weight just to get the surgery makes zero sense. If I could just know the reasons for her decisions I feel like I could start to recover and feel human again and not have to pretend I give a shit when people talk to me and then have to say something that seems like an appropriate response because I can't interact with the world naturally anymore. Sorry if I'm rambling. This is a cry for help eight years in the making. I don't know what to do.
7 months