Gaining

Been hard trying to build up the confidence to just be myself. I’ve been denying myself food for years!! It scares me, but I’m 40 now and I just want to be me. I really want to make some friends in the community. Just hearing about others experiences is so comforting. It’s tough in today’s society to be chubby or god forbid fat. I’ve been sucking my stomach in for at least 30 years. Just letting it relax and poke out is unnerving.

I went from 130 to 300 over a period of 8 years or so it was pretty gradual but one thing I remember before having visible fat all over my body was the hair I got so hairy as I gained and I’m not entirely sure why that is. And now as I’m continuing to pack on more I’m just kinda turning into a marshmallow took a long time to become as soft and squishy as I am now

Also, It’s not as big a deal people make it out to be. Were feedists so we feel kinda naughty around gaining but most people do not think that way, most people won’t say anything out of fear of hurting feelings, you might get the occasional asshole but just know there’s nothing their saying that isn’t true so it’s like “yeah I like to eat and I’m fat, and?”

Thank you!! I appreciate the advice. I’m trying to make some online friends here.

Thank you for your feed back. I’m on vacation this week, I’ve been trying to eat and not care! My stomach is so full and stretched feeling. It’s extremely exciting but I’m full of anxiety about it all at the same time!!

I've been skinny/fit for almost my entire life. I started to intentionally gain weight a few years ago, back when I was almsost at my lowest at about 130 lbs and very fit. Eventually I gained a few pounds back and forth, but managed to reach kind of a plateau at about 150 lbs.
Back then I already experimented a bit with the use of Heavy cream and loved to stuff myself until exhaustion - even though the amounts I was consuming seem cute compared to what I get down nowadays, it was fun and very enjoyable. At that size, you will notice even the slightest changes in bodyshape and that was a huge turn on for me.
So my gains have always been kinda rapid, but irregular and that's mostly what I enjoy to this day.
Whenever I chose to go for another gaining-cycle I pretty much go all in, over-eating my regular meals as much as I can, getting snacks and desserts and chug heavy cream on top of it for a few weeks. I should maybe note that, during the times I'm not intentionally gaining, I eat very healthy, take care of my nutrition-intake and do regular exercise.
So for my gains - they are definetely noticable and quite rapid and even though I lose most of it just after a few weeks or months, it seems to get increasingly easier to get back to where I left oft highest before.
The last time I gained a significant amount of weight was at the beginning of this year where I went from 165 to 200 lbs in less than 2 months. Even though there were moments before this experience that I felt like "holy shit, I'm getting fat" - this one hit a bit different, because I not only scrached the surface to be considered obese (BMI >30), but it started to undeniable show that I was not only gaining a bit rounder but actually fat and at the end of the cycle I had to get new pants in a hurry, because there was just no way I could squeeze my *** into any of my old ones. I also lost a significant amount of underwear (those tiny size M boxers just ripped apart).

But yeah, so much for the introduction and my experience. As for your questions:

"Is it scary, exciting?"
-It's always exciting and getting less scary. At my first attemps even a few more pounds and tight clothes would freak me out - now, I'm just getting excited by it. The thought of going up beyond >30 BMI mark (/>200 lbs) scares me a little bit, but I'm also excited to find out how it will turn out for me.

"Can you feel yourself getting bigger"
-Yes, absolutely. I sometimes get to take in >6000 kcal/day for 2-3 weeks and there are days I'm sure I can absolutely feel there's more fat growing on me day by day.
Especially notable would be situations like feeling there's suddenly a role of fat forming at your back or that you spread your legs differently, because the fat of your thighs now fill out all the space where there was once a huge gap. Feeling the weight itself increasing is also something that I noticed when I gained a lot in a short time. Not just that the gravity seems to pull harder, but also the shifting of the masses when you roll aroung on the mattress for example. Whenever I reach this point though, I decide to let it be for a while to let my muscles adjust and see how I feel like. Sometimes I will a bit further or take a break for a few months to just go all in again.

"How do you get past the social stigma of wanting to gain weight?"
-this is a hard one for me. I actually still don't really, but slowly getting more comfortable with it over time. When I first gained a (for me) significant amount of weight it seemed like people didn't even notice it and when I put on some more and slight comments started, it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.

"How do you prepare and finally decide to go for it?"
-Whenever I feel like, basically. When I go for another gaining cycle, it obviously shows in my shopping-choices and I would generally pick a time of the year without any important appointments that would require me to be more active than usual over a period of time. It also comes naturally for me to be more active during summer. So even though I may push for some gains during summer, theyre not as radical as the ones I do during the rest of the year.

Thank you for the response. It was very insightful. The heavy cream concerns me. A lot of fat and the supposed delay in gains. It very nice to have some feedback from others. This lifestyle/kink feels very lonely a lot of times.