Gaining

When I first started gaining weight on purpose I felt guilty and was too concerned about what others thought about me. It didn’t help that I was living with my parents at the time, and they were a bit concerned about my health. I still feel a little guilty when I go to my endocrinologist office since my endo always tells me that I need to lose weight. I think I should maybe look into getting a new endocrinologist, but I’m afraid any of them will say the same thing. (I’m trans and I need to see a endo, I can’t drop that doctor easily…) After my appointments the guilt goes away though and I go back to gaining again. At the end of the day there’s always going to be people judging you for being big, I say look past those people and do what makes you happy. Society cares too much about what other people do with their bodies and it’s annoying. Life is short, everyone should live the way they want as long as they’re not hurting others.

I have guilt about my desires to gain weight and I hate it so much. I know deep down that I've always wanted to be fat since I was a kid and nothing can ever change it, and I'll never really feel happy until I'm obese. But when you're told all the time that weight gain in general is a shameful thing, it makes you hate yourself and feel like you're desires are so shameful and wrong. Thankfully I'm slowly starting to just stop caring and overcome the shame

Depending on the guilt is it about you or yourself in relation to Others? I was publicly and socially embarrassed at being obese but it was all I wanted to be But now i am what I am maybe its a aging thing you loose your concerns. I think the guilt is conflicting feeling of what you want and the way you think the world will see you as unacceptable. Well the hell with unacceptable its will happen but that's on the world not you loose the guit and show the world some non conformance and diversity i say.

I looked at this older thread and see the exact same thing as you here - I have never been embarrassed of having a Fat GF or my Wife and now even getting Fat myself - but the idea of someone knowing I was doing it on purpose is a little wild to think about and definitely would be so weird if anyone found out that I knew my real attentions. Thinking about it - even if my wife found out I was gaining on purpose would feel strange - I guess that is why I find it most arousing for her to tease me or scold me for getting fatter like it was accidental. Now, if her fattening me was discussed with bth of us- and it would feel more like she was fattening me without myself actually doing it totally intentionally to myself.

Weird I know!

It comes down to trust that the process of indulging and putting on weight, will be so personally satisfying that it easily offsets how other people's thoughts actually affect you. Like, they don't even become comparable. Which is a hard leap especially when the first pounds require your choice in doing it, but there's a good chance the social effect is more subtle than you expect, and your increase in self-confidence as you grow, just makes you not care about anyone noticing anyway.

It's rough. You might have to give up some of your old life, I don't know. Or you might find that people value you for other things than your slenderness. You won't know until you try gaining and see how they react.

Also note that you can build a new life. A feeder or gaining buddy or gaining buddies can help enormously.

And of course you can also try the Glutton's Pledge...some people find that useful in developing the proper gaining mindset and learning to transcend fatphobia.