Gaining

Oh boy can I relate to that!

I'm in a situation right now, because I'm the fattest I've ever been and gained the last 18 lbs these 3 months and I'm at the point where the urge to gain, eat and hide food is interfering in my daily life...

I understand the interfering with daily life. I feel right now that I am at a tipping point where the fetsih takes over and I blow up. I found a calculator that will tell you how many excess calories you need to gain a certain weight. If I eat an extra 1000 calories a day I would be around 200 lbs on July 4 th. I do not know why I have an obsession at the moment like this. If I thought reaching 200 would make the fetsih subside I would do it. I also think the next step would be 210 where I would officially be obese. - thus another 20 poundsI I also have hidden food where I have a big bag of chips and candy. Right now I am trying peanuts, which I love, as a better more healthy way of gaining weight. This is the first time I have had enough of a belly to play with and it is a turn on. Thus my belief this fetish NEVER goes away

This is the best answer.

If you're struggling with feelings of shame and general negativity then I would recommend you speak to a mental health professional about it.