I’ve always been insecure about my looks, though tbh I’m not bad looking. I’m short, fat, bald (shaved), and bearded. Think of Jason Alexander with a beard and shaved bald.
Nevertheless there are/were always other guys I wanted to look like. For example, I’d go crazy trying to find a shirt I saw a guy wearing, whom I was turned on by or wanted to look like.
There was a fat Hispanic guy named Hector I worked with at a school. He was a custodian, I was the IT guy. I swear I was in love with him. I’d fantasize about being with him. I still do. He was probably the first fat guy I was attracted to.
I unintentionally started putting on weight. I saw myself in a mirror in a department store and actually liked what I saw. I wavered back and forth about gaining and losing, I went up, I went down, I went up again, down again, rinse and repeat. Now however, I’m on my way up again. I’m 218, 5’5ish”, size 44-46 waist pants. I think about getting to at least 250-260. My fantasy is 300 lbs and size 49-50 pants.
4 months