Gaining

I think the most important thing is that you focus on what makes you happy and healthy, not what you think will appeal to others. You want to stay looking fit to attract someone, when underneath it's kinda a lie, because you would really like to gain. How could you find someone that you would be comfortable with in the future if you're hiding what you want?

I certainly wouldn't say to avoid the gym, definitely keep working out, make the effort to go there, eat healthy foods. Just enjoy the food you want to as well, don't worry about someone else not liking your weight, that's clearly someone who wouldn't make you happy anyway. Find someone who likes the weight, or is at least supportive.

As far as going back and forth between wanting to gain or not, I'm still in a weird spot where I'm so used to being thin and athletic, that having a bit of a tummy and getting even bigger still feels and looks weird and "wrong". I like it so much though that I know I am happier this way, and I will eventually become more comfortable with it. I refuse to give up on being athletic though, so I'm trying even harder to exercise now, which of course makes gaining harder, but at least I'll feel much better about myself and be in better health. That's how I feel, anyway.

The way I look at it now, is why hide yourself from the world to please others or to conform? If you're not hurting anyone or being irresponsible, why should you feel any shame for being yourself? Because society says you should only be skinny? This is your life, not anyone else's.

I think you would see progress in the gym if you are eating appropriately and putting in the work. You would see your strength and stamina improve, and if you're building muscle it's still going to show.

And yes, I do get those moments, thinking how I'll never be as quick on my feet, how I never thought I'd have a fat stomach which already looks so big and gross (it actually isn't, but looking down at it sometimes it surprises me still and it's just so different from the flat stomach I had, plus all the years of internalizing the idea that fat bellies don't look good on guys and that I am not like those fat people), how I have to start dressing differently now, all the clothes that won't fit, etc. But then when I'm in the shower or laying back on the bed and everything just feels so nice, I know I could never give it up now. I see someone much bigger and often realize how envious I am of how they look (I like that drawing in your profile pic btw). I think a lot of it is just overcoming the negative things that you've internalized, and getting used to the change. It took a lot to even decide that yea, I'm going to go ahead and gain and accept that things will change, but I'm going to get something I really enjoy out of all this.

Thanks for all the great thoughts in this thread! I’ve been struggling with this for years now and still haven’t figured out how to feel.

On the one hand, I want to be healthy and look good in clothes. I also worry about finding a partner while a bigger weight, plus my family is a bit fatphobic.

On the other hand, I love bigger bodies and eating the food I like. I feel so good being big, and I’d love to get even bigger.

It feels like I have these two halves of myself that are always fighting and there’s no compromise for them.

I didn’t add it to my original post but I’ve been thinking about this internal struggle more since I found this thread. Another thought I had is that I do want to have kids in the future, and while there’s plenty of heavier people who have had success conceiving and have healthy pregnancies and give birth to perfect babies, I know that being a healthy weight and proper diet and exercise is really important. I also wonder how I would be as a role model. I’d want my kids to take care of themselves and if they see their parent eating garbage and huge portions I don’t want them to get into bad habits. But weight gain is part of my sexuality, and I don’t want to ignore it.

I’ve done what Razz did—take it a bit at a time. That said, be aware that your body’s own homeostasis might work in different increments. Mine seems to work in increments of roughly 15lbs (not every time, and not exactly, but roughly).

Regarding finding a partner, keep in mind that if you find a partner who is only attracted to thin people, you’ll always be facing pressure to stay thin (which we know from research is an unrealistic expectation). That’s not fun in the long term, IME.

Some have found this helpful:

fantasyfeeder.com/pics/photo

If this helps you decide (or doesn't!) I'd be curious to know.

That goes for anyone reading this.

Thanks.