General

Body confidence is hard in a society that picks apart celebrities for the slightest weight fluctuation, speculates that the very hint of roundness in the belly is pregnancy, and ties attractiveness to thinness. Therefore, even though I'm straight, I still respect and admire the beauty of other women who haven't let society tell them they shouldn't love themselves because they don't have a toned body and a flat tummy.

Yesterday, my fiance and I went to our usual lunch spot. We sit at a table because I'm too big for a bar stool, but we still sit in the bar area. A young woman, maybe 23-25 was at the bar, and I had a direct direct line of sight to her. She would have fit every conventional beauty ideal: long, shiny dark blonde hair, great complexion, slightly golden tan, and she was enjoying herself, laughing and talking to the staff. She was also maybe 30 pounds overweight, which didn't keep her from wearing a sleeveless cropped athletic top and short skirt. She ate her food with gusto.. a buffalo chicken sandwich with tons of fries... And chugged three beers. She literally left nothing on her plate, and her belly was bulging as she ate and drank. I tried not to stare, but at one point, I did see her stand and adjust her skirt, which made her starter gut bulge out even more. She didn't seem the least bit self-conscious, and at one point, she got up to hug someone she knew, and laughed and chatted for a bit. I thought she was absolutely beautiful, not from a sexual perspective, but because she seemed so at home in her body. Later, I asked my fiance if he noticed her. He fully had his back to her, so I believe him when he said he didn't, LOL I commented to him that I hope she never lets anyone try to whittle her down to a size 2, unless it's what she personally wants for herself.

I guess if I had one hope for teenage girls and young women (and really people of all genders), it's the complete belief a size two can be beautiful and a size 26 (or bigger) can be beautiful. It always makes me sad when I hear someone talking about what they will do one day when they reach a certain body goal, that they don't feel like they have the right to do now. My mother has never been overweight, but if she ever felt like she was a few pounds heavier than her usual, she would refuse to take family photos with us. That's terribly sad to me. Wear the dress, put on the bikini, eat the food, take the vacation, jump in the group photo. Body goals (gaining, losing, maintaining) are just fine, but in the meantime, we only live once.

As much as people dunk on social media, it's also paved the way for more diverse bodies to be celebrated. Back in the day, a small handful of really gross people determined what was beautiful and what was not. And for a while, you had to be a leggy (but not tall), slender, (often) blonde, pale woman. Of course, your average person found a great many different things attractive, but it was never front and center.

Now, there's greater visibility for many different people of all shapes, colors, and sizes. We still have a way to go, but we are doing a lot better than we did 20, 30, or even 40 years ago.

What a well written post so thank you for that.
When I started to gain weight my Mother was aghast at how I would wear crop tops and low waisted jeans and let my muffin top show.
We would go shopping and she would "suggest" I buy a few sizes larger because what I was wearing was way too small.
I loved how my body looked and to me being chubby was way better than being skinny with no curves.
My size never held me back.

I am the only person I know who did/does not lose weight on Ozempic. I am in the 14% of people for whom no weight loss occurred. I have weighed between 190-210 since high school unless I was dieting or pregnant. Despite looooving being fat, I have been on a diet in one form or another since that doctor’s appointment when an old smelly man in a white coat called me obese and looked my mother up and down.
Fast forward to this May. I’d been on Ozempic for 2 years. Everyone around me is losing weight. There’s literally no reason to be fat anymore. Except I am. I am still fat. My fat is enduring and permanent. I am cursed. I even failed at “cheating” to lose weight. And then the lightbulb thought: I guess I’d better get used to being fat. I’m 48. I was called medically fat 36 years ago and have been truly fat for an additional 2-3. And now. At 48. I better get used to it?!?!
What the absolute fuck?!? Yes. It’s probably good to make peace with your body at some point. It’s a fine idea to stop waiting to live. I thoroughly recommend letting go of actively hating yourself. The whole idea was so mind blowing. I could keep on harming myself or I could choose to not do that anymore.

I could just be fat. So I went on a road trip to think. I listened to Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls by Jes Baker, Lindy West’s Shrill, and The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor. I learned about health at every size and that this metabolic stuff is probably more correlated with yo-yo diets than bmi. I am just starting to figure out what intuitive eating means for me.
I wore a bikini to the beach! My belly had likely not seen the sun since I was in diapers. It’s easy to be furious with myself for waiting so long to exist comfortably in my skin but better fucking late than never!
It’s awesome if you can start at loving yourself but it’s also never too late.

People do need to stop hating themselves.
When I was skinny I was really skinny and in rehab for narcotic addiction and I hit bottom.
Didn't care if I lived or died but then a light went off.
I realized the only one that could change anything was me and I wanted to live.
I wanted to be the opposite of what I was and I have achieved that.
I'm fat and I love it no apologies.

I'm curious about accepting oneself at a higher weight. I can appreciate coming to terms with yourself and even enjoying the extra weight. It seems like the harder part is coming to terms with the negative comments overweight people have to deal with all the time. How many overweight people enjoy being fat, but can't handle the emotional impact of being ridiculed. How were you able to get past that to fully enjoy life.

People really really like to overemphasize that gaining weight subjects you to a lot ridicule, while yes some people might be, I and several other people have recived next to no push back in regards to gaining. Yeah people might solicit dieting advice or mention going to the gym with you, but generally speaking people aren’t assholes for the most part.

Finding clothes that fit or items that will support your weight or even trying to find a seat are more of a reality than being bullied for gaining weight, imo

Enjoying and indulging your appetite for delicious food is living, or a big part of living, for a lot of us.

How were you able to get past that to fully enjoy life.[/quote]
Well the people that make comments to ridicule me over my weight are not people I really care about when it comes to what their opinion is.
Those people are just rude IMO.
It took a while to get to that point I admit.
Most people could care less what my weight is or feel the need to tell me I'm fat.
My fave thing to do is when a relative comes to visit and they say oh wow have you gained weight?
I answer why yes I have thanks so much for asking. That usually shuts them up and the fat comments stop.