Anjou:
I am a fucking mess. I love him. Help. I suck at words. I am a dancer, I express myself though that.
But I am fucking spinning. I caused this. I encouraged this.
Munchies:
I know what you are going through because I went through something similar.
First thing you gotta understand is that this is not your fault. You tried to keep him safe. He didn't listen to you. And now we have the consequences of his actions.
Not your acts.
His.
Now that we have established this, we can talk solutions.
Put your foot down. Don't yell at him, but be very blunt about your feelings. Tell him your concerns and worries.
And most importantly, there needs to be some kind of consequence. I know you've told him your concerns in the past, so just telling him will not do anything. He is, unfortunately, addicted to gaining at this point. So the best thing you can do is step back. I will leave the degree up to you. You know your husband better than I. But you need to step back from engaging in kink with him so he can understand he needs to shape up.
I wish you well, love.
Anjou:
Thanks Munchies
We had a talk last night. Long story short, we are going to find a couples therapist as well As get him one himself.
The obsession with this kink is really just the last manifestation of his all or nothing thinking.
Hell, last night he told me that when he was a bodybuilder 20 years ago, long before we meant, he used to inject insulin (had no idea bb did this) and rattled off the names of shit that he took to gain muscle.
I know he took bb up to help him get off alcohol (we meant in aa). So, yeah he has addiction issues lol. He is also autistic so the all or nothing thinking is really part of asd I have learned.
So that is where we are. I do think he cares about his health. And I myself am no stranger to addiction, 10 years sober.
So that is where we are
Munchies:
Ah, the good old autistic all or nothing mentality. I am very familiar. My mom worked so hard to get me to understand the concept of nuance.
God bless her soul, but I have no idea how she put up with me back then.
Good news is that he is open to making things work with both you and his personal wellbeing. If he was able to kick his other habits, then I have hope he can kick this. And maybe, in therapy, he can address the root of his addictive personality.
I think you two will be okay.
I think so too.
He told me that my cooking and feeding was the first time in his life that someone took care of him in his life.
And he is my first non abusive relationship. I feel safe for the first time in my life too.
