Fat experiences

I worry a little about trying to fit into things when I’m out. I’ve found some ticket gates at the train station is a bit tight now and fitting in some tables at restaurants can be a squeeze. It really makes me realise how big I am.

I found it really satisfying when my belly was so big it pressed against the table in a booth.

I read it more as: “Do you enjoy being fat while you’re in a public space?”
Not that you have a choice or that you can be fat in some places and not in others, but more that when you’re in public, do you relish the chub or wish you weren’t so tubby?

Today I was in a shop where they sell small outdoor tables with chairs.

I don't know why, but I suddenly could swear the man who had been sitting there by himself had been staring at me, watching me while I shopped.

I discreetly glanced at him and, sure enough, the moment my eyes caught his gaze it confirmed my impression: he was looking back at me... and smiling.

Uncomfortable, I quickly walked to another aisle to get away from him.

I have tattoos and blue-purple hair, used to wear bold clothing when I was thin and confident so I'm used to people looking at me and either enjoyed it or didn't care.

That felt different... almost creepy?

I don't know what to think...

Maybe he was an FA and the clothes I was wearing made me look fat?

They were a little snug so maybe they didn't hide my small belly roll as well as I was hoping, but I don't think they were particularly ill fitting...

Pretty sure he was just a garden variety creep. No matter your size, shape, or outfit, there will always be pervs perving on you.

Also, as a side note, you do not need to be an FA to appreciate bigger bodies. I'd say most people who appreciate bigger bodies are not FAs. FA denotes having a kink/fetish. You don't need either of those to be attracted to bigger people.

Last thing of note, the way you describe yourself doesn't suggest you are a particularly large person. If anything, it sounds like you have an average body size. It just feels enormous to you because you got used to wearing extra smalls and smalls.

I can not hide my size I get plenty of looks of all sorts. But I love the my pool, I have graduated to no shirt But my apron is still in my swim shorts. I love sitting in the spa with my ample moobs resting on my upper belly. Quite comfortable with that now. Only took 30 years.

I don't care, for the most part, what people think of me in public. I believe people will judge you either way, in some way or another. I always go for tables at a restaurant, instead of a booth. I do that for two reasons, one, for stomach room & two because I'm tall. I've come across a handful of booths that I struggle getting in or out of because of my height over my stomach. As for the pool, I still wear a shirt, usually a muscle shirt. Two things with that, I haven't got the confidence yet to go shirtless, yet. The other, I got really bad sunburn when I was a teenager. So I think I can't give up going shirtless just yet. I hope to one day be able to.

Imagine going in public fat. The horror!

Maybe you're right, but I need to wear large sometimes and I do have a belly roll between my waistband and breasts which is quite noticeable when I bend over or squat.

Even when I was thin, my thighs and arms would draw attention to the fact I once was much bigger because they didn't skrink so much as became empty and saggy. With my breast (I suspect because of the elevated prolactin), my legs and upper arms were the first place that the fat went back to.

At my thinnest (90 lbs), I almost had a thigh gap, but I'm not sure people could see it. I just felt my thighs weren't rubbing anymore. Now they seem to rub even more than when I was 40+ heavier, and they touch almost down to my knees.

This not only makes me look out of proportion, it changed the way I walk because they get in the way of one another, if that makes sense. I've seen someone describe this as thighs "rolling" against each other.

Because of this I can't walk as fast as just 20 lbs ago, which I didn't expect to happen that quick.

I bet my fat % is close to what it used to be because when I was obese I was carrying all that weight around all the time so you have to have muscle. When I lost half my year in a little more than a year, I lost a lot of muscle too and I didn't get most of it back as I hate exercise.

I have years of trauma related to PE classes that I need to address with a therapist before I can start moving a little. Otherwise I have to bully myself into doing it, and the inner talk isn't healthy to say the least. It's probably the ED voice because even I wouldn't talk to myself this harshly.

Yeah, this is definitely the trauma and the ED talking. I know you are having hormone issues. But there are a lot of people outside of this community who find women like you attractive.

This, of course, does not excuse the perv being gross and creepy.

Still, I strongly recommend you speak to a therapist. I wish you nothing but the best on your healing journey.