HueOrdner:
Sorry, I need to blow off some steam here:
Absolutely every guy I show interest in tells me he wants to lose weight. Because you gotta lose weight if a pretty girl shows interest in you, otherwise you'll lose her, right? Some say it immediately, some mention it after a few dates.
For some reason 30kg seems to be the magic number here. It's the amount every guy wants to lose. Though, sometimes it's 50kg too.
If I know the guy a little better I will tell him that I find him attractive the way he is and that he doesn't have to lose weight for me, but it doesn't do anything. Once I even told a guy straight out on the first date that I'm not attracted to skinny people, but it didn't change much.
Maybe the guys really are doing it for themselves and that would be absolutely fine (although sad for me, haha), but to me it seems like they are doing it out of insecurity.
At this point with some guys any activities that involve food like eating out or cooking together stop being fun because they keep complaining about how fat they are and how much they are eating. Often without changing anything. Or they start eating very little and count calories. Other guys might avoid activities that include food as much as possible.
This makes me feel bad like myself. I am very happy with my body and eating habits right now, but I struggled with an eating disorder almost 10 years ago and I feel like this kind of behavior triggers me. It makes me wonder if I am also too fat and should diet too. It's such an awful feeling.
I don't want to be with someone who is so negative. I want to be with someone who enjoys life and likes to indulge in its pleasures.
But I can't seem to find someone like that. Am I just attracting dreadful people? Or are 99% of fat men just incredibly insecure?? I just want to be with someone who is self-confident and has a positive outlook on life.
And it's not like I'm against a guy staying fit. I obviously want them to be as healthy as possible.
I like being active myself. I love to dance and go for long walks or hikes. And of course I would like to do these activities with my partner. But I would like them to stay chubby while being active. I sometimes wish it was different, but skinny or muscular is just not my type. I wanna be with a guy who is like a sumo wrestler. Someone who is fat but still strong and fit.
Munchies:
We don't talk about it as much since women have it worse, but men also deal with body insecurity, internalized fatphobia and societal pressure to look a certain way. Patriachy is a bitch.
A lot of men have been taught that no woman will want them if they can't "correctly" perform. As for fat men, many of them have either experienced or know someone who did them dirty just because they are fat. I have fat male friends who have told me horror stories about their romantic interests treating them like a fixer upper - even after reassuring them their size isn't an issue. It's sad since there are plenty of women who prefer, like, or don't mind bigger guys. But trauma makes you irrational and paranoid.
I remenber this one guy I liked. He was sweet, soft spoken, nerdy, and very fat. I was 100% into that and pursued him. He started losing weight as soon as I started flirting. Don't get me wrong, he was still hot to me. Yet I was disappointed when his belly was no longer straining at the buttons.
This is why I started going after guys into extreme weight gain. They don't lose weight when you show interest in them and love it when you make them fatter.
My own bf, who used to be over 200 lbs a few years ago, has been losing weight in the last months and having a restrictive ED I find it very triggering to see him eat less. It's frightening how skinny he's getting and he's even experiencing pain from the lack of cushioning.
He doesn't have breakfast (he drinks cups of coffee and smokes weed with tobacco). He used to have a snack at his break or lunch at school or work but with his ADHD he often miss his time slot and says he doesn't have enough time to eat.
I suggested bringing at least protein bars so he can eat something quickly and doesn't go the entire day without food. When he comes back to his place (past 18h-18h30), he used to have a large dinner and eat another meal or a "snack" (3 eggs with ketchup and 3 toasts) and desert (he could easily eat a container of Ben and Jerry in one sitting) but lately things have gotten out of hand.
He's late or running out of time for school projects and hyperfocusses so much that yesterday he ate dinner past 10 PM (at least he says he had lunch at school).
He'll pile on so much food in his plate (he used to be able to eat a lot without putting on weight, both his job and studies involve a lot of moving and I suspect he has a very active metabolism) but lately he never finishes them. He puts the leftover n the fridge and then forgets about it and it goes bad.
