General

Like many here, I first identified as a feeder, had "weird" thoughts imagining myself being fat, and tried to reject/suppress these feelings for years. The urges always come back...and now I know I'm really committed.

While fighting these urges, I attempted to bulk and gain muscle. I'm very thin, and I wanted a conventionally attractive, "bodybuilder" body. However, I failed consistently: I worked out during most of this time, but I could never eat enough.

I didn't have the motivation to eat so much clean food to give myself a body that *others* wanted, but I did not want.

Now, I have realized that I won't gain anything if I become muscular. I don't want to be thin and muscular. I want a soft, unique, unusual body that is huge.

The thought of eating anything that I want doesn't feel like short-sighted recklessness anymore, it feels like a perfectly valid choice for my body.

But the biggest shift for me is realizing just how much safer I'll feel knowing that, even if I wanted to, I could never become fit and muscular with no bodyfat. It would grant me so much release to know that letting it go was all that I could do and was absolutely the right choice. The permanence of it would fill me with warmth.

Does this resonate with anyone else?

Yes! I have never been thin, but I have definitely struggled, at times, with societal expectations to be thinner, especially when I was younger. Realizing that being fat is my natural state was one of the biggest releases of my life. I love food, I love to eat, I am my happiest when my belly is full of food and I am actually quite proud of how big I am. Letting go of outside expectations that contradict all of that is extremely liberating!

Now I’m not a genius, but based on what I read it seems like you’re someone who doesn’t want to feel pressured anymore from certain beauty standards.

While I personally don’t resonate with what you’re going through, I can understand the whole feeling about it. And yes, whatever kind of physique that you want is completely your choice in the end for how you wish to express yourself and be happy about it! Despite the world of self-improvement and (perhaps) social standards say otherwise.

Honestly I always welcome anyone to a site like this where they can feel more “like themselves”. Even if it’s with the weight gain or not, it’s all about feeling good and not guilty about anything.

I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin now & no caring what other people think. Took me a long time to where I'm at. I'm sure like a lot of people, the society standards hit me when I was about 12 or 13. My doctor told me I was big for my age & I've been told that ever since. Junior high & high school hit & kids always made me out to be the fat kid, but I was never fat. I am now, but I'm to the point that I don't care what people or society says, I am perfectly fine & happy the way I am. So, I do feel somewhat safe from society standards. Also, people will judge you regardless

As someone whose culture prefers thick, curvy women and built men, I find this fascinating.

I mean, I get what you are trying to say. You are bucking the beauty standards of your culture to do what makes you happy. And that's a good, wonderful thing that I think everyone should strive for.

However, be careful not to trade one beauty standard for another because the feedist community has its own beauty standards. And I have seen many a feedee/gainer tie themselves up in knots for not meeting this standard. Enjoy your body for what it is, and do not compare yourself to others.

I feel way more comfortable in myself now than when I started, basically just gave up caring about what others think

I was always pretty much mid-size, never exactly thin but also not fat, and I've always hated exercise so not much hope of me getting muscular (and it makes it very easy for me to get fat as I've found out..)

A lot more comfortable now just completely letting myself go, wearing a tracksuit instead of feeling like I should be in jeans/proper clothes, and am generally way more relaxed

I think one doesnt need to be fat, or even a feedist at all to be able to comprehend how utterly stupid beauty standards are, particularly for women since that one encourages them to basically be fragile skeletons who wait for a man's assistance.

They are not products of reason.