Gaining

I bit of a backstory:

I have been a gainer on and off for the last 7 years. Starting out I was athletic fit and 150lb. I would start to gain and love it but then I would always lose it again.

This time however something has changed. I’m reaching 200lb. The fattest I’ve ever been and on one hand it’s incredibly exhilarating. I love playing with my fat, trying on old clothes, and getting encouraged. I’m even noticing physical changes that weren’t there before like losing my breath when trying to walk or get up.

This excites yet frightens me cause I know the more I gain at this point the harder it will be to turn around. Knowing I always had an exit route helped to calm down my anxieties but now I’m reaching a point where it will become very hard to lose the weight.


Are there other gainers/encouragers out there that have felt this way at an important milestone weight and how did you come to terms with it? Thank you.

I was a tall skinny kid who ran track, modeled and danced. I was dragged into playing football due to my speed and besides I enjoyed the brotherhood. So in working out and my natural love of eating I packed on the pounds but I stopped playing in my sophomore year to concentrate on my business degree and my MBA so
I was a fat ex football player who was convinced I would never find a job in corporate America because I had enjoyed letting myself get so out of shape, then for years I killed myself in the gym, to get that perfect body, went from 320 to 210, At 212 lbs A chance encounter sowed the seed for me to intentionally grow in my mind. I had stopped to get some groceries to tide me over. I was passing the cookie aisle only to see the owner of my Gold's Gym (a former Mr. Florida bodybuilder) and his wife, only to hear him begging his wife to buy some Oreos. I knew that he had injured himself moving gym equipment. So here he was standing there with a ball belly (he was always usually in excellent shape) begging for cookies. His wife lovingly rubbed his round gut and said no and something just clicked in my brain. So while I was thinking of getting fat intentionally, I gained another 50 pounds. I loved being fat, loved leaving the gym all pumped and then going home and eating until I was too full to move, but finding the strength to flex in front of the mirror seeing my muscles in contrast to my swollen belly. I was heaven and I couldn’t get enough. I needed to be a fat jock of 325 lbs. I loved being the fat jock when loved bicycling, tag football in the park and soccer.
So whenever fat guilt hit. I always reminded myself that I was the fat jock that played hard and ate huge. I surrounded myself with other weekend warriors and ex jocks loved overindulging. Plus it helped that my mentor was a fellow model turned fat guy and it helped to draw inspiration from him. I didn’t transition to huge fat guy until after I got my dream job. Middle manager in a huge bank, nice office and an expense card to use on my analyst team. Lots of food was involved.