General

LoLbreadplease:
This is a tough question. My spouse is also not into this fetish. It hasn't been easy, but we've gotten to a point where he understands that his wife is fat now, but he knows he loves me for me, and he's willing to rub my belly because it's what I need. I personally don't think our weight is something our spouses should control. I don't think your wife should get to say, no you can't gain weight, when it's simply not her decision. She doesn't have to like it, but ideally she understands why youre doing it and can compromise. If you guys can't reach a compromise, if she says she can't stand by and be witness, but you still go for it, you do run the risk of ending the relationship over this. I think you have decide what's worth it for you.

One thing that helped me was reading about what to do if one spouse is into a fetish and the other isn't. If the spouse is able to, I think they should find a way to support their partners. Maybe they can't, if the fetish is BDSM, and they have a history of trauma. That could end the relationship. But exploring one's fetish is very important. I think your spouse should understand our fetishes are part of our sexualities, and our sexualities are part of our identities, and it would not be fair if you're never allowed to take part in your fetish.

Some ways they can support without participating: learning about it or talking about it with you. Or allowing you space to explore it, like time when you can be on the internet engaging with others in the community.

Munchies was right that the answer isn't to gain behind her back. Try to reach an agreement before you gain. If she is never going to be ok with it, if she is going to kink shame you while you're gaining, that's not ok. She has to know you're doing it and why you're doing it, and coexist with it, and you have to hold your end of the bargain.

Also, I hope she's not kink shaming you, that's not ok.

I'm sorry she will not touch your love handles. You are a sexy human.

LoLbreadplease:
This is a tough question. My spouse is also not into this fetish. It hasn't been easy, but we've gotten to a point where he understands that his wife is fat now, but he knows he loves me for me, and he's willing to rub my belly because it's what I need. I personally don't think our weight is something our spouses should control. I don't think your wife should get to say, no you can't gain weight, when it's simply not her decision. She doesn't have to like it, but ideally she understands why youre doing it and can compromise. If you guys can't reach a compromise, if she says she can't stand by and be witness, but you still go for it, you do run the risk of ending the relationship over this. I think you have decide what's worth it for you.

One thing that helped me was reading about what to do if one spouse is into a fetish and the other isn't. If the spouse is able to, I think they should find a way to support their partners. Maybe they can't, if the fetish is BDSM, and they have a history of trauma. That could end the relationship. But exploring one's fetish is very important. I think your spouse should understand our fetishes are part of our sexualities, and our sexualities are part of our identities, and it would not be fair if you're never allowed to take part in your fetish.

Some ways they can support without participating: learning about it or talking about it with you. Or allowing you space to explore it, like time when you can be on the internet engaging with others in the community.

Munchies was right that the answer isn't to gain behind her back. Try to reach an agreement before you gain. If she is never going to be ok with it, if she is going to kink shame you while you're gaining, that's not ok. She has to know you're doing it and why you're doing it, and coexist with it, and you have to hold your end of the bargain.

Also, I hope she's not kink shaming you, that's not ok.

I'm sorry she will not touch your love handles. You are a sexy human.

Munchies:
It is complicated for sure.

I'm of the mind that everyone has the right to bodily autonomy. I don't think someone should have to get permission from their spouse to get fat.

However, the true issue is not the fetish. This disagreement they have with OP's fetish appears to be a proxy to a much larger issue. I don't know if it's something between them or an internal issue that OP's wife hasn't dealt with. But it is very clear to me that the true issue has nothing to do with his fetish at all.

Ninjaturtle94:
We have a great marriage and get along very well. We’ve never given each other reasons to not trust or anything like that. She has always had body issues and since our daughter was born it’s gotten worse. I do my best to reassure her she is beautiful and attractive but she says she doesn’t believe me

Munchies:
It is complicated for sure.

I'm of the mind that everyone has the right to bodily autonomy. I don't think someone should have to get permission from their spouse to get fat.

However, the true issue is not the fetish. This disagreement they have with OP's fetish appears to be a proxy to a much larger issue. I don't know if it's something between them or an internal issue that OP's wife hasn't dealt with. But it is very clear to me that the true issue has nothing to do with his fetish at all.

Ninjaturtle94:
We have a great marriage and get along very well. We’ve never given each other reasons to not trust or anything like that. She has always had body issues and since our daughter was born it’s gotten worse. I do my best to reassure her she is beautiful and attractive but she says she doesn’t believe me

Munchies:
And there it is.

This is a case of internalized fatphobia projected outward. She sees herself getting fat as failure on her part. I wouldn't be shocked if she's been living vicariously through your fitness, either. A bit of "I might be fat, but at least I have a muscular man that loves me. At least if I have him, I won't be a complete failure."

And then you come out and tell her you want to be fat, too.

Now, don't get me wrong. The way you planned on gaining was objectively stupid, and I am glad you decided not to do it this way. But she would have been upset no matter how you chose to do it.

I doubt this is a trust issue on her end. She probably hasn't engaged with these thoughts very much - if at all.

Ninjaturtle94:
Out of curiosity, what would happen from drinking a quart of heavy cream and maltodextrin?

Ninjaturtle94:
My wife says she wished I never told her about my fetish. She said it’s all she thinks about now and can’t really cope with it. She says she isn’t into it but doesn’t feel like it’s right to keep me from indulging in my fantasies.

We had sex a few nights ago and she said it was different because she had thoughts in her mind thinking I was thinking of how attractive our bellies are. She also asked that I dont have my hands on my belly around her to because it makes her uncomfortable.

I told her we should abstain from sex until she feels better and the shock of the news starts to wear off. She says she’s worried if she can’t give me attention like that I’ll go on “an eating bender” to get her attention.

I assured her I will not do that and to take her time. I don’t want to be huge I just want to gain a little

Ninjaturtle94:
My wife says she wished I never told her about my fetish. She said it’s all she thinks about now and can’t really cope with it. She says she isn’t into it but doesn’t feel like it’s right to keep me from indulging in my fantasies.

We had sex a few nights ago and she said it was different because she had thoughts in her mind thinking I was thinking of how attractive our bellies are. She also asked that I dont have my hands on my belly around her to because it makes her uncomfortable.

I told her we should abstain from sex until she feels better and the shock of the news starts to wear off. She says she’s worried if she can’t give me attention like that I’ll go on “an eating bender” to get her attention.

I assured her I will not do that and to take her time. I don’t want to be huge I just want to gain a little

Munchies:
I said it before, and I will say it again.

Y'all need couple's counseling. And it sounds like she needs individual therapy because this is a trauma response.

I am not sure abstaining from sex until she feels better is the right move here. It seems you saying that makes her feel rejected by you. It would have been better to ask her what she needs from you as well as what makes her feel good in bed. You got to tell her what you need sexually. Reciprocity would have been good here.

Look, this is a two-person problem, but you are putting the onus on her for a solution. That's not fair. You guys are a team. Act like it.

Ninjaturtle94:
I misspoke my bad, We mutually agreed on abstaining. I asked her in the last conversation what she’d like and she says she just likes it when I go down on her other than that nothing in mind.

I think counseling would be great. I feel like it would be uncomfortable to add another
Person to the conversation but most definitely worth it. Maybe I could learn a way to change my mindset and not want to gain.

Ninjaturtle94:
I’m just really looking forward to gaining

Ninjaturtle94:
I’m just really looking forward to gaining

Ninjaturtle94:
I’m just really looking forward to gaining

Highway:
Almost everyone gains weight during the holidays. If it were me, I would just use that excuse and continue to gain. You never know your wife might like it, and this problem would be solved.

Ninjaturtle94:
I’m just really looking forward to gaining

Highway:
Almost everyone gains weight during the holidays. If it were me, I would just use that excuse and continue to gain. You never know your wife might like it, and this problem would be solved.

PolyPinoyPuppy:
This has already been suggested. Furthermore, OP has already said their wife has shown discomfort with the extra weight OP has.

This isn't solving the problem. This is ignoring the problem and hoping it goes away.