Fat experiences

Here's one for the Emetophiles

I have been bulimic since I was 9. I remember the first time I did it, I was so full but wanted another rice ball and 4th of july so I made myself throw up and it was like I unlocked a door that let me eat forever. But now at 31 Im dealing with some health problems. Im autistic so I like to binge eat but if I get overly full I can't keep it down anymore. I went to a brazillian steakhouse the other night for a friends birthday and got sick like 6 times every half hour i was running to the bathroom to puke what I just ate. I can't hold down large amounts of food anymore, even normal meals make me sick half the time. Im not doing it on purpose or to lose weight but I just can't hold binges down anymore and it makes me sad, but I was wondering if any guys were into Emetophilia and wanted me to record when I get sick/if stuffing to sickness is itself a fetish for anybody?

Pushing the limits is hot.

Given your recovery from bulimia, I wonder if eventually you'll be able to gradually increase the amount of food you can consume in a meal?

Dear OP--

There's absolutely NO judgement here.

Is this experience causing you distress? Do you feel emotionally uncomfortable or unsafe? Do you have physical symptoms you are not enjoying?

If the answer to the above questions is yes, I encourage you to put your emotional welfare first. Talk to a therapist. Heal yourself. Heal your body.

Keep in mind... I'm a 600 pound woman. My lifestyle wouldn't be considered conventionally healthy by any definition, but it's also not up for adjudication by strangers, and I would never do that to you. That's not my point.

I only hope you will take the time to ask yourself if you are comfortable where you are, before offering up ways in which you are struggling so other people can get off. If the answer is that you are doing well and are ready to take that journey, support you 100%.

OMG, I'm autistic too! There are so many people on the spectrum on FF. I just listened to the "Autistic Culture" podcast episode "Kink is autistic". They don't mention feedism or preference for larger bodies but that makes a lot of sense. Also, I know EDs are more common in neurodivergent individuals.

I agree with BigBallBellyGirl about putting your own (physical and psychological) wellbeing first rather than catering to FF members with emetophilia... I'm "lucky" not to have an easy gag reflex even when I overeat, but even with BED I'm sure with the right kind of help there's a way you can come to a point where throwing up will not be so frequent.

I wish you the best of luck and send you warm virtual hugs. Don't hesitate to write to me, if you want. I know having an ED can feel very lonely sometimes.

I don't have any first hand experience with bulimia so please take my comment with a huge grain of salt. But when I was skinny I would get physically ill whenever I ate a normal amount of food so I was constantly undereating. I ended up just having to take it slow and add a few more calories in each week to teach my stomach how to eat food. I'm afraid you might have to start over with teaching your stomach that lesson. Try to figure out at what point your body starts to reject food and stop eating. Give yourself a few hours to recover before you try snacking or eating a meal again. Try this for a couple weeks and then once your body gets used to it each week try to eat a few more calories per day than you did the week before. It's a slow process but it really helped me when I was struggling with body image issues when I was severely underweight