General

Gotcha!

Hi!! I have a bit of a complicated relationship with gender so I do fall under the trans umbrella technically. I saw this discussion and I think it’s potentially a good idea here— lots of opportunities for important conversations.



Seconded. Consent is incredibly important in all sexual (and others!) situations.
I should also bring up that consent can be revoked at any time! So, while, if someone said yes to something initially, they could say “no” later on, and the proper thing to do is to stop. If they continue, that counts as rape, since the act is no longer desired.

A lot of people unfortunately struggle with setting boundaries or saying no, myself included. I still struggle with it to this day. If you’re one of those people— it’s not your fault. There are just some nasty folks in this world who should know better, but alas…
The advice I can only give to that is self advocacy. Work on yourself, understand your emotions, your strengths and weaknesses. I’m a naturally shy, soft spoken person irl. I practically quadruple check everything I say (which is mentally exhausting) because I’m afraid of being “rude”, (I also have autism— likely alters my experiences as well). Improvement may be slow, but having confidence can go a long way. Easier said than done, but I’d be willing to go into a more in-depth discussion on this (based around my own personal experience).

Speaking of boundaries…

Having them in your bio (not just here but on different sites) can (sometimes) help. Of course the real creeps will look right past them, but I think they’re still important to have. Can work in a way that you quote a line in your bio to them, say “hey, my bio/page explicitly says not to do what you’re doing right now, stop it”. And just draw a line.

Then you can move on to informing others about potential creeps as well. Safety in numbers! You only know what you know, we’re not mindreaders here. So if someone is dangerous, don’t keep it to yourself. Keep records of someone’s weird behaviour. Don’t forget it (and you do not need to forgive it either, even if the person has claimed to change, that is up to you).

I’m not the greatest at giving tips, sorry. Most of this has just been from other people I’ve been around. Being so shy even on the internet, meant I managed to avoid a lot of the creeps, even when I was younger. But I am going to follow this discussion anyways, and contribute in the ways that I can.

Hi!! I have a bit of a complicated relationship with gender so I do fall under the trans umbrella technically. I saw this discussion and I think it’s potentially a good idea here— lots of opportunities for important conversations.



I mean a lot of people need to hear things like this. These are novel concepts to some people.

I'm going to take a moment to remind everyone about rule #3, quoted here:

"3. Respect others

Please be courteous and respectful at all times, showing tolerance towards our diverse membership and the broad range of fantasies and ideas they hold. Do not post anything that is rude or insulting and do not deliberately try to 'close down' discussion just because you disagree with it or find it offensive (please report it to a moderator instead). Do not post chat logs or screenshots to public areas to discredit other members. Avoid posting in all CAPITALS or all bold letters as this can be interpreted as aggressive behaviour."

This includes transphobia and failure to respect boundaries.

You can report other users for this. I'll admit that because it's often a case of "he said, she said" or a lack of evidence, it's not always possible to take action right away, in an effort to be fair to all involved.

However, if the same user gets reported often enough, especially if by multiple users, action is likely to be taken.

Also, without getting into detail for what are probably obvious reasons, sometimes a single report is enough, because something else about that user account will seem amiss. We just needed someone to highlight the account for one of us to check it out.

It troubles me to see so many of my fellow FA to be such abusive. This topic is very sensitive for me as my partner was in an abusive relationship, albeit not feederism-related it was traumatising nonetheless. As someone who helped her to overcome her fears and lack of self-esteem I can say, that as someone who wants to help a victim after the fact you need to be extremely sensitive to what, and especially how you phrase your thoughts. It is very easy to get someone hurt just because you said something. Remember that victims are vulnerable, and they get even more vulnerable after they understand what has been done to them. Never ignore cries for help. I am sorry if I'm unwanted here as a male but as said, the topic of abuse is very close to my heart.

I mean, we need men who are willing to speak up and say something. Men as a whole are more likely to listen to another man before they listen to another gender.

Out of everything, that frustates me the most.

I have a suspicion that those men who only listen to other men only do it for self-serving purposes. Like, so as to give the impression that they are competent!

Sometimes, I'm sure. But it mostly comes down to the fact that a lot of men see other genders as lesser and do not value what we have to say.

It's especially annoying for anyone that looks female. If you say something, they will ignore you. But if a man says the exact same thing, they'll listen.

If you ever wanted to know why some women or feminine people get very aggressive when trying to get their point across, it's because very often, men won't listen until we scare them.

oh hello, a thread where OP specifically asked cis men to take a step back and listen full of men deciding they needed to dissect and argue every single one of OPs word choices. who'd have thought

🤣 Who'da thunk 🤦‍♀️ffs