General

I'm currently in a really amazing relationship. It taught me a lot about myself. However, one thing it taught me is that what I once thought was a slight feedism/fat kink actually seems to be a full-blown fetish that I can't shake. We've talked at length about it for a very long time and they tried gaining for a bit, but long story short, they really don't like it and do not want to gain more, which I completely understand and respect. This has left me in an interesting position. I love them so much and they are so perfect for me in every other way, but I've realized that I can barely engage with them sexually without having fantasies that result in me desperately wanting them to be fat (they are not) or gain weight. I am unsure what to do, this fetish not being satisfied is genuinely causing me a good amount of distress and I'm obviously not going push them to do something they don't want to do.

So, I'm left with a horrible choice. Do I stay with them? I can't imagine not being with them, but having to deal with this strange desperation for... fatness is very draining. I have talked about this so much with them (they have been amazingly patient and I am so grateful and feel so bad), and we are both at our wits end. I have never been with someone who is not skinny before, which makes it even harder because I don't really know what the alternative really is outside of fantasy. I want to know if anyone else here has had similar experiences, and for anyone (especially feeders) who have experience with actual feedism relationships, what would you do, and is being in such a relationship as good as my fantasies tell me? Thanks.

Also, one more thing, is it normal to feel the kind of distress I am feeling for not being able to engage with this fetish? I am worried that maybe it is not, and other people would not be this affected by it and so perhaps there is a deeper problem.

Common? Yes. But I wouldn't call it normal. Just as there are many feeders in your situation, there are many more for have found ways to handle their fetish in healthy ways without repressing.

I'm one such feeder. My feedee and partner of 3 years decided to stop gaining weight back in 2023. They have since lost about 100 lbs. I am not only supporting and helping them lose weight, but I'm also fine with it.

I am an extreme feeder. Whenever I enter into a feedist relationship, it is with the expectation that they will want to stop or even reverse course at some point. And if I want a relationship with this person outside of kink, I need to exist with this person outside of kink as well.

There's variations on what that looks like. For example, actively looking for things you find attractive about their changing body, engaging in role play and fantasy, erotic media, and more. Therapy is also a good thing as well to help you process shit.

But sometimes, no matter how good the other person is, people are incomparable. And that's okay.

Potentially unpopular view incoming:

I don’t know (or want to know) what your porn habits are, but if you’re spending a lot of your time on sites that cater to any fetish or your algorithm on TikTok is constantly feeding you fetish content that hits your dopamine receptors in exactly the right place, youre probably getting a pretty slanted view of the world. I’m not an expert, but this community is pretty tiny. There just aren’t that many people who are into it. It’s niche. So if you really think the grass is greener, look at some of the stories of how hard it is for other users to find partners who share the kink. It sounds like you have a partner you love and are compatible with. That’s hard to find too. But you already found them. The secret ingredient might be unplugging from what’s frying your dopamine receptors. By all means, use this website responsibly, but if you think it’s a negative influence in your life — unplug, and that goes for a bunch of other sites, too. I know it’s hard when the app that shows you songs and funny cat videos will also show you individualized fetish content. We’re probably doomed as a species.

We’ve had a few of these threads lately and I wonder if it has to do with the change in seasons and everyone being indoors more.