Screaming into a void

Joined 13 years

This long winded rant will likely be heard by few and remembered by no one but what good it can do anyone to share misery I shall grant them. You likely do not know me and I do not know you which is ironic considering how small our community is. The feedism community is something I've done math on to discover that about 1 in 30,000 people are into feedism and those numbers get worse when you look at smaller groups within our community. To find a partner is nothing short of hopeless let alone at an older age.

And yet here I sit in fantasy feeder still as I have been for decades yet. I was far younger than I'd like to admit with saturday morning cartoons when I realized this was a piece of myself but a piece I'll likely not be able to share again. The past relationship I had was lovely but had its hardships. It's not simply enough to find 1 in 30,000 it has to get more narrow than that. Not just for me but for you too reader. If you are into more feminine forms then girls make up 1 in 10 of us and should you need a feeder then its 1 of 5 of them (including the FAs in that) and now decide if you like the person, do they like you? Do you share hobbies? Can you trust them? Do they have financial stability, similar political views, pet peeves you can avoid, a sense of conversation that flows with you, a family you are happy to spend time with, friends you don't mind being around? Well great they are halfway across the world and due to the disproportionate m/f ratio likely either drowning in messages and wary of trusting anyone or just some horny sleezebag of a guy.who will do and say anything to get a cheap thrill.

I hate this prison.

And yet I cannot leave. My sense of intimacy exists entirely within the confines of this community and its one of gods best jokes that the person I found previously was almost right. So close it could've worked from the right angle. Even as I browse hinge and bumble and whatever other predatory dating apps I am coaxed to download with the promise of finding a soul mate, I do so understanding that I'm luring someone unsuspecting into a relationship that very likely will be void of true sexual pleasure and higher levels of intimacy or should they be willing to mimic what I desire then a plastic recreation of a thing I'll never know again.

I pray, dear reader, you do not know these frustrations. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. As I watch my friends fall in love and find their special person I am in hell looking at heaven. I pray you are not so deep into this community that you cannot exist without it.

I fucking hate the feedism community and so badly wish I could erase it from my sense of self but thats not how these things work.

Lastly, I hope you find love. It's the least anyone is owed.

~ Loopsnbloops

2 days

Screaming into a void

Urchie

Joined 1 year

Can we get a tldr

1 day

Screaming into a void

Canuck

Joined 9 years

LoopsnBloops:
I pray, dear reader, you do not know these frustrations. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. As I watch my friends fall in love and find their special person I am in hell looking at heaven. I pray you are not so deep into this community that you cannot exist without it.

I fucking hate the feedism community and so badly wish I could erase it from my sense of self but thats not how these things work.

Lastly, I hope you find love. It's the least anyone is owed.

~ Loopsnbloops

hey, great post - i suspect you are not alone in how you feel. and the fact that you've done some math to try to figure this out is pretty cool (to me), although i have an innate distrust of all statistics.

let me give you another perspective.

i grew up like you; knowing i was a feedist before i had words to put to it. and i honestly thought i was the only one, until i discovered the internet, when i was already dating fat girls without even wanting to admit to myself that the fact they were fat made them more attractive to me.

in the almost 30 years since then, i have changed a lot. i discovered i was queer/bi-sexual, and have had female, male and trans partners. at the age of about 40 i went from a fit, lean athletic (feeder) body and began my gaining journey that tripled my size (becoming a feedee). i have had many, many partners (i think the technical term for my behaviour in my 20s and 30ths is "floozy"

, but i have had maybe 6 very serious, long-lasting relationships over those 30 years that i could have thought would have been the "forever" partner.

of those 6, only 2 knew what feedism was when i met them.

i remember a partner that i lived with, we were gym buddies. he did not have any idea that i was a feeder, we never talked about our kinks or preferences until after we became a couple. he was very muscular and wanted to "bulk." i used that as my window and explained to him that i was a feeder, i could help. he would be my feedee. for a year, he really got into it, and feeding became a big part of our sex life (along with bondage and other fun stuff!). i grew him to over 300 lbs, with a big, soft, beautiful gut.

my current partner (amazingem) met me when i was 330 lbs. she liked fat guys, but she was not a feeder - she'd never heard the word before! but she helped me get to 470+ lbs through feeding. i introduced her to the concept, even to ff and feabie - she's not a die-hard like the rest of us, but she appreciates aspects of it, and she knows she can use aspects of feeding to turn me on. i don't think she would describe herself as a feeder, but she often performs that function in our play time.

the point i'm trying to make is, don't limit yourself to one kind of intimacy. people are complex, we have many, many sides. we don't *just* like to feed, or be feed, or wear leather, or be tied up, etc.... we are not one-dimensional. so don't limit yourself to a single dimension, either. there's other things you find joy in - if you think there aren't, you need to get out more and experience some other stuff! because no one is that binary.

intimacy is based on trust. if you find someone you trust, and develop some kind of affection, like in my experience, you may find they will be interested (at some level) in the things that interest you. but it takes compromise, too. if you go into a relationship with an all-or-nothing mindset, unwilling to compromise, well, that's not a relationship - you are probably looking at something more transactional at that point.

best of luck in your search - i hope you find someone that you are compatible with, outside of feeding, because that is far, far more important, in my experience.

1 day

Screaming into a void

LoopsnBloops

Joined 13 years

LoopsnBloops:
I pray, dear reader, you do not know these frustrations. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. As I watch my friends fall in love and find their special person I am in hell looking at heaven. I pray you are not so deep into this community that you cannot exist without it.

I fucking hate the feedism community and so badly wish I could erase it from my sense of self but thats not how these things work.

Lastly, I hope you find love. It's the least anyone is owed.

~ Loopsnbloops

Canuck:
hey, great post - i suspect you are not alone in how you feel. and the fact that you've done some math to try to figure this out is pretty cool (to me), although i have an innate distrust of all statistics.

let me give you another perspective.

i grew up like you; knowing i was a feedist before i had words to put to it. and i honestly thought i was the only one, until i discovered the internet, when i was already dating fat girls without even wanting to admit to myself that the fact they were fat made them more attractive to me.

in the almost 30 years since then, i have changed a lot. i discovered i was queer/bi-sexual, and have had female, male and trans partners. at the age of about 40 i went from a fit, lean athletic (feeder) body and began my gaining journey that tripled my size (becoming a feedee). i have had many, many partners (i think the technical term for my behaviour in my 20s and 30ths is "floozy"

, but i have had maybe 6 very serious, long-lasting relationships over those 30 years that i could have thought would have been the "forever" partner.

of those 6, only 2 knew what feedism was when i met them.

i remember a partner that i lived with, we were gym buddies. he did not have any idea that i was a feeder, we never talked about our kinks or preferences until after we became a couple. he was very muscular and wanted to "bulk." i used that as my window and explained to him that i was a feeder, i could help. he would be my feedee. for a year, he really got into it, and feeding became a big part of our sex life (along with bondage and other fun stuff!). i grew him to over 300 lbs, with a big, soft, beautiful gut.

my current partner (amazingem) met me when i was 330 lbs. she liked fat guys, but she was not a feeder - she'd never heard the word before! but she helped me get to 470+ lbs through feeding. i introduced her to the concept, even to ff and feabie - she's not a die-hard like the rest of us, but she appreciates aspects of it, and she knows she can use aspects of feeding to turn me on. i don't think she would describe herself as a feeder, but she often performs that function in our play time.

the point i'm trying to make is, don't limit yourself to one kind of intimacy. people are complex, we have many, many sides. we don't *just* like to feed, or be feed, or wear leather, or be tied up, etc.... we are not one-dimensional. so don't limit yourself to a single dimension, either. there's other things you find joy in - if you think there aren't, you need to get out more and experience some other stuff! because no one is that binary.

intimacy is based on trust. if you find someone you trust, and develop some kind of affection, like in my experience, you may find they will be interested (at some level) in the things that interest you. but it takes compromise, too. if you go into a relationship with an all-or-nothing mindset, unwilling to compromise, well, that's not a relationship - you are probably looking at something more transactional at that point.

best of luck in your search - i hope you find someone that you are compatible with, outside of feeding, because that is far, far more important, in my experience.

This is a really thoughtful and well considered response. I suppose it is possible to find a partner who is excited at the concept even if it’s not to the same degree. Compatibility plays a huge role in any relationship of course. I
suppose it’s easy to sulk with a future unknown when the reality is that you might stumble into your person at any time.

1 day

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