General

It's important to remember that your personal relationship with the fetish is your personal relationship with the fetish.

What I mean is -

Yes, there are bad actors. There are bad actors everywhere, in every community.

There are scammers, catfishers, and even out and out toxic and abusive folks.

However, remember: You don't need to be in the community to enjoy the kink, and even if you're in the community.... you don't need to be *in* it.

Does that make sense?

See if you can remove yourself and just witness the space, rather than let all of that negativity and toxicity get into you and color your experience of the kink/fetish itself as a whole.

Oh and to be clear by "remove yourself" I don't mean leave or lurk...

I mean that in terms of removing a certain element of vulnerability.

Instead of jumping in to the deep end of the pool and immersing yourself with all of the feederism community has to offer, maybe go in through the shallow end and get the water up to your shins.

I have come to terms with the fact that as a feeder I will not find a suitable woman in any forum. Most FAs or feeders become gainers. Like me. If you then still let the sex component out, then you find like-minded people with whom you can talk. Unfortunately, I can only live out the kink really alone.

Naive, trusting fool that I am, I just recently got scammed pretty hard on Feabie. Yes, I'm with you, no more getting involved with scammers, and beggars.

Depressing as it was, it provided me with more of an assurance of who I am and what I like. A mini-awakening I suppose. And while the outcome of being scammed hurt me, I cannot deny that the illusionary relationship was not enticing(when I was in denial).

The goal then should be to find a relationship for real. The reward is still worth the effort even if we have to trudge through the muck to do so. You are not alone.

im so sorry you went through that. you are ALWAYS the prize.

I know right? Thank you that helps to hear that.

Hey there my guy I totally get your frustration and struggle with being a part of a community like this… 101% dude.

I’ve had my fair share of getting stung by people who had scammed me. It’s really such a pity because you feel like you’ve finally are getting that special acceptance from someone who sees you and are into the same kinks, in a world where society wants to eradicate obesity, only to then come out completely empty-handed and feel bad for being ripped off. It’s worse when they try to beg you to help with their “emergencies” or something along those lines.

For this, this is precisely why I’ve let go of the whole feeder thing to begin with. However I didn’t exactly dropped everything though because regardless of what I’ve been through, that didn’t stop me from being attracted towards what I like in chubby people and enjoying the “eye candy” in some way. I’ve also had accepted reality I don’t need this kink to be satisfied in a relationship. I’ve had relationships in the past where while it had been brought up and talked about, it was never engaged. Honestly from my experience I’ve been completely okay with that!

Also what Harleen said beforehand is also a great point as well. Sometimes you can be part of the community without going into the deep end of it if you don’t know how to swim! If you know what I’m saying?

What a thoughtful post. I feel like you helped me too from reading it. You are awesome man, thank you for your insight!

Maybe I’m coming out of the left field here, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with someone else paying for my food and I see being fed as more of an intimate part of myself, something I only share privately in person.
As far as I am concerned, this was always my decision to take at my speed and for myself, it is my body after all-why should that be anyone else’s bill to shoulder?
If you really want something then it should be you making the effort to make it happen-if you can’t be bothered to then that is also your decision.
There are scammers everywhere these days, scrounging because they think everyone owes them something, but once you get past that then there are some great people-that’s the same anywhere.
Stick with it is the best I got!

I can relate to your experience. I’ve encountered numerous scammers who immediately demand money upon our initial meeting. They never seem interested in video calls; they prefer to chat exclusively. When they decline a video call, that’s a clear indicator that they’re a scammer.