General

The thing I’m still conflicted about most from the fat person perspective is that we ARE the kink. We can’t switch off or put it away. I find it hard to understand how we are perceived outside just the kink space so wanted to start a discussion but finding it hard to articulate so bear with me!

For example, from an appreciator’s point of view living in a “normal” body - does your attraction change based on your mindset? Like will you find us attractive one day and a “fat girl you wouldn’t go near” until the kink invaded your brain again, the next? Does that make sense? Or does it depend?

I think because until recently, I have changed my mind so many times! Liking it on myself one minute and hating it the next- so it’s what I assume others feel towards us.

It’s something I haven’t got a gauge on or seen discussed much so wanted to see people’s thoughts and opinions. I’m very likely overthinking it but I’m AUDHD and love to have clear understandings of these things.

I think sometimes I feel like a novelty, and that diminishes who I am as a whole. If that’s what you’re after absolutely fine! And the moment can call for that for sure. But other times I’d like to just feel hot without the caveat of “just for now - not later”

Hope this makes sense!

I completely get this conflict you’re describing...

But I want to start with your last point about feeling like a novelty or that it diminishes who you are. The most important thing to remember is that only you get to define your worth and how you see yourself.
Other people might like, love, fetishize, hate, shame, or even flip between those extremes and how they see you, whether it’s in the fetish community or in everyday life. Their opinions don’t define you and you don’t need to rely on them for validation.It's a hard one to learn and even accept (it took me a while, and I prioritised seeking the validation of others for quite a long time in my younger days).

I can’t speak for all admirers because everyone is different, but there’s always been discussion around how fat people can’t “switch off their bodies”. And sometimes FA's who feel the need to hide or be “in the closet” about their attraction can unintentionally reinforce stigma. When people secretly like fat bodies but openly deny it or participate in fat shaming it can make things feel awful. It keeps the message going that fat bodies are only acceptable in secret. Then the burden of fat positivity falls on fat people...and that can be tough.

But as for wanting to be attractive and desirable all the time, not just seen as a feedee, gainer, or BBW (not for later) that is a completely normal want. Nobody wants to feel like a secret. I’ve personally felt only wanted for my fatness and not for me in the past, and I know how complicated it can feel.

Where does the fat kink identity and fat person everyday identity cross over for us all? I do think that’s a personal thing, and it’s okay for it to be complicated. But at the end of the day your feelings, your attractiveness, and your worth exist independently of anyone elses mindset or kink lens.

Thank you for your reply, C00kie. That’s really insightful. And you’re right about not relying on others for validation - self acceptance is most important!

Until a few months ago I kept the kink and “me” completely separate but that was damaging. I’m still ironing out the edges but, along with invaluable support I have received, the self acceptance is there now at last.

The “Where does the fat kink identity and fat person everyday identity cross over for us all? I do think that’s a personal thing, and it’s okay for it to be complicated…” - that’s where I have to start to give myself a break, accept it’s complicated and can change and evolve on the daily and just have fun with it.

I appreciate your thoughtful response, C00kie!

Kita is a person with a kink as much as her body would be someone else's kink.

And for her, it is not a thing she can just turn off. It is there all the time, whether it is convenient to her or not, and is the primary driver of her romantic and sexual urges. It does have the added benefit of Kita basically never finding her partner unattractive, as the thing she finds attractive is their willingness to feed.

As far as whether or not they find her body attractive? Kita can't control that. So she just hopes that they won't fall in and out so much that they quit feeding. She has not had much luck on that, and it leads her to seeking people who just aren't insecure about it. It is that insecurity that causes so many people to hide.

Ok.... I think this is one of the best posts on FF I've seen in years. Kudos.



No. Speaking here as an older person.... You fancy who you fancy.... Weight alone does not do it. Can you laugh in their company?.... Chill?... Talk?... Be at your ease and actually.... There's another 100 things or more that decide this and they are all different for lots of people for lots of reasons.

But if you do fancy them.....

You fancy them... And that's that.

Such is my experience anyway.

As for more permanent attraction and not being a 'temporary turn on ' or similar.....

Finding that person takes time and experience and trial and error and a little luck and.....

Well sure if it was easy no one would be single!

All the best.

As an appreciator I'd like to give my two cents as well since I think that you've started a very important and insightful conversation. Personally, my attraction to big bodies never changes. I always found fat people attractive but it took some time to admit it to myself just because it was so engrained in my brain by my family and society as a whole that it is something abnormal and bad. Now I'm very ashamed at my younger self that she couldn't be honest to herself and the people she was interested in. But after reflecting on everything and questioning my beliefs I chose to embrace my preferences and my kink. That said, I don't see fat people as my personal pleasure project. I want to get to know the person I'm physically attracted to as a whole. At the end of the day confidence is the most attractive attribute to me but I know all to well that it doesn't come easy. So please give yourself some grace and try to be patient in your self acceptance journey and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and worries.

Thank you for sharing this; it’s such an important and complex topic. Reading your post, I wanted to offer a slightly different perspective that might ease that feeling of being 'just a kink' or a passing trend.

Speaking for myself, my attraction to fat women existed long before I even knew there was a definition for it as a 'kink' or that a community even existed. For me, it’s simply what is beautiful and attractive, just like someone else might be into a certain hair color or height. This attraction isn't a 'mindset' that switches on and off, and it’s not something I have to 'get into' to find you hot, it’s just a fundamental part of my taste and identity.

Furthermore, as someone who actually wants to gain weight myself (a gainer), I see a beauty and comfort in fat bodies that is irreplaceable. It’s definitely not a 'novelty' or a momentary objectification for me' it’s the type of body I admire, love, and want to inhabit myself.

I completely understand the fear of feeling like a 'curiosity,' but I want you to know there are people whose attraction is consistent and deep-rooted. They see you as hot simply because you are, without any caveats and regardless of whether they are in a 'kink space' at that moment or not. To them, you aren't just the kink, you are simply the standard of beauty.

Hey just thought I would comment on this because this was very well said!

As someone who is open for having an attraction for someone who is extra curvy or straight up fat, I can definitely say that the more you are willing to admit and accept that part of yourself then the more that you will be able to embrace that part of yourselves respectfully. Of course it’s also important that we should also be attracted to the person for who they are as a human being besides the exterior level of attraction. I always say that “physical attraction may get you in a relationship, but emotional attraction will keep you in one”, it’s true because we’re not always going to look the same all the time as we go through life.

There is no doubt that we are in a really strange time period now with the rise of GLP-1s and the antagonism towards body positivity. And I fear that for some people like us might go into hiding because of avoiding being the centre of criticism. However I like how we’re also having open discussions like this to not only help those people accept their particular preferences again, but also seeing the grey area and balance between fantasy and reality.

I too know how it feels to be the kink.

Honestly it feels great. There are quite a few chubby white girls who have kinks for black guys. It feels amazing. Some of the best sex you can have is with a person that fetishizes you in my opinion. People call it dehumanizing but its something about being with someone who desires something about you to the point you become a novelty. They almost worship you.