General

So I’ve been drawn to the feedist ways in forever. I suppressed it most of my life resorting to the occasional browse on Dimensions and dropping into, and always eventually out of, FF periodically engaging in pretty surface level interactions with little connection. In “real life” I found a normy in my 20s and eventually got married. I’d never experienced any real life interactions related to this space.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve become more accepting of myself and felt it’s been damaging overall suppressing this side of me for so long. I decided the end of last year to come clean to my husband. It’s not his thing. It was a long shot to expect that. But he has been supportive in me exploring and having fun online with it.

But finding something fulfilling that can meet those needs entirely is another thing. I was lucky enough to experience a beautiful online connection through here with someone who was in a similar situation to me for a short time but unfortunately, circumstances meant it couldn’t continue in the long term. It was something rare and I don’t think I’ll be lucky enough to find it in a way that met me so well, again.

I speak to some lovely people, and have some great interactions, but at the same time this can be a really difficult space to be in frequently, between here and Feabie. Maybe I came back too soon, I don’t know. But I feel drained

I’m feeling stuck in all honesty. What is everyone’s experiences and advice? I don’t know if being in this space is serving me in the same way any more but at the same time, I don’t want to abandon it completely and go back to how things were before. I’ve seen what it can be at its best - but it’s a super high bar that is unrealistic to expect to find easily. It took me 30 years to find the first time around, after all.

Feel free to DM. I understand where you’re coming from and had a similar path myself.

What do most people do? Suffer in silence.
One day at 40 you realize you've spent almost your entire life being unhappy and unfulfilled with very little hope of ever course correcting the situation.
At least you can feel solace in knowing this is pretty much the typical situation for millennials and Gen z living in the society that's failed us.
It's called "fantasy" feeder for a reason. We have or had this fantasy of engaging with our fetish and living a sexually gratifying life. Then most of us accept whatever form of vanilla we can actually get. Then even that dries up.
We have no friends, no meaningful relationships, and not even vanilla sex. It's a level of rejection that's too personally shameful for most people to even admit or discuss openly. But from what I can tell, it's extremely common.
Maybe this sounds like a rant, but tell me I'm wrong.

We broke up. Simple as. They wanted to take the only thing that genuinely made us feel good and sentence us to a life of anhedonia. They didn't love us for being us. They viewed it as a thing to fix about us.

So we ended the relationship. Not much other choice.

Not getting in another relationship unless what we want is on the table.

I don't intend to contradict anything anyone has said so far, but for myself, I have felt like the possibility of finding love and kink fulfillment to be wildly rare. This might be an unpopular opinion in this space, and I understand why, but I think if you’ve found love, that’s worth holding on to. Platforms like this and Feabie make it possible to connect with people and feel like we aren’t aliens for being into what we’re into, and that’s so important. But I think it also exaggerates the possibility of having it all. There are some people who have found it all, and I admire them (envy, really) but if I’ve found love in a vanilla situation, I don’t find it worth it to throw it away and try to find that one person whose way of being a feedist matches mine. And I also don’t feel like it makes sense to leave these spaces since I’m always going to come back to try to scratch the itch. So maybe that’s being kind of trapped in terms of sexuality, but 90% of my life is happy. I hope at least that much for everyone here.

That’s just me, others may have a stronger need for feedism than I do (mine feels pretty strong for what it’s worth….but some people may need it to survive, I don’t know). So anyway, solidarity.

I am turned on by wg and my wife is not. I tease her about fattening her up all the time, but she has a very sensitive stomach and cannot eat much. She has stayed roughly the same weight over the course of a long very happy marriage even after having two kids.

So we keep it a fantasy. She points out chubby girls that I might like when we are out and about. I check my favorite sites and read wg stories, get in the mood, then go to bed and we have great sex.

Thank you for your replies, you’ve both touched on things there that have given me a bit of a realisation.

The online connection I had really fulfilled me and “filled in the gaps” so to speak where they are missing in my marriage and life in general. They helped me become a happier more confident person in every day life - friends and family even commented on it. I put that down to both of us finding an outlet for this space that worked for us.

But maybe that connection was highlighting where many of my needs in life are unmet and how important they are to my everyday happiness. They made me feel safe, seen and free to express myself.

Billed - you’ve got a balance there I really envy. Unfortunately, mine and my husband’s drives are completely mismatched and it’s been an issue in forever. It’s more than sex too. This is all stuff being worked out.

So maybe it’s about more than the “kink” in my situation. I need to really look at where to go from here

The intimacy/romantic relationship aspect of this response very much resonates with me. Sexuality and body image are an important part of my life; I spent many years feeling unfulfilled in those areas with partners who either didn’t share my kink and it went unacknowledged, or outright rejected it and made their negative judgments known. The former was the best case in my experiences, and the latter was unfortunately the most common.
I believe it’s possible to find a balance between fantasy and reality. Good boundaries help, and so does being selective with where you search for a partner. I agree it reduces the overall number of people who can be a match. That has its pros and cons, I suppose.
To the OP - Wishing you all the best as you navigate this! It sounds like you are on to something when you say perhaps there are other, deeper issues outside the kink.