Fat experiences

It's like normal...but like, fat...

The only way a thin person could understand would be if they had to go shopping in their underwear. If you're very obese,it really is that shameful. When you're fat, it's hard to find clothes that fit and often you'll see some 400 pound girl who doesn't know about shopping online and is too fat for anything at the store. Everyone stares at her belly and butt and try to get her to talk about her weight, etc. We all remember the time we saw...
When clothes fit skin tight and everyone can see your belly shake when you walk, they might as well not even exist. Like your willpower.

I've never been especially fat (my heaviest was 240 pounds at 5'8". Fat enough that most stores didn't carry pants in my size and I needed to start buying 2X tops). But that was fat enough to have at least the start of fat experiences, so I'll give answering this a shot. (my wife is a couple of inches shorter, and her heaviest was also about 240, so I'll throw in a few observations from her experiences too)

There are basically two sides to it, the physical and the social. The physical is easier to describe, but the social is the bigger deal.

On the physical side, I was just starting to find spaces challenging at times. Reaching up for something on a store shelf and my belly knocking something over on a lower shelf for example. Or chairs or booths that were just a bit tight. My wife had more chair issues at her heaviest, what with having hips.

Also could not comfortably walk as fast as most people, although we are both regular walkers. If trying to keep up with the flow on a busy sidewalk would soon be out of breath, or if walking at a more comfortable pace had to occasionally step aside and let faster people pass.

Normal amounts of stairs (like a couple of flights) were not a challenge to get up, but for sure I'd be breathing hard by the time I got to the top.

On the social there is a mix of being invisible and being noticed (but not noticed in a good way). Also a sense of vulnerability.

Invisible, like, sales staff were less apt to make an effort to serve me at stores, people in public were less apt to engage with me, that sort of thing. My wife reported that she really noticed how many fewer guys would be checking her out.

Being noticed not in a good way was that if people paid any attention to me I assumed it was negative (maybe not fair to people, but certainly some of the looks and words supported this conclusion). I was never publicly called rude names, but addressed as 'big guy' and things like that. My wife reported that a few guys checking her out were way creepier about it, like maybe felt that a fat woman wouldn't call them out on it when a thinner woman would?

More vulnerable in that as I reached a size that was uncommon where I live and work (I happen to live in a thinner area and ditto for work), I felt that I was beginning to be 'outside the herd' and so not protected by fitting in. If someone was looking for someone more socially exposed or vulnerable I felt that could be me. Likewise my wife felt that less women did the automatic protective closing ranks with her.

To me; being fat in public is just a normal thing .

There are plenty of physical challenges that go along with being fat, especially very very fat, in public.

By the time I hit 400, I had to be mindful of spaces and plan carefully. Does a restaurant only have booths? Is the seating arrangement spaced out enough I can get around without knocking into other diners? Is the Uber that's on the way easy enough to get in and out of?

After 500 lb, there were even more considerations. When my husband and I got married, I was right at 585. We had to plan out every aspect of our honeymoon, including bringing my own bariatric wheelchair to the airport because we knew even their largest chair wouldn't work for me. We bought additional plane seats for me, and I sat in the front row because of how much my stomach bulges out in front. I had my own seat belt extenders, because even the airlines extenders, available upon request, are not big enough to go around me. We ensured I would have a walk-in shower and requested bed reinforcement, which they were able to accommodate. I shipped my own bariatric shower chair ahead, so it would be waiting when we arrived.

Now, at 800 lb, travel would be impossible. I haven't left the house since the last 70 lb or so, because a) I have no clothing that covers me at the moment, and getting out of my front door is very painful. It's not impossible, but we have to manipulate my body and my fat in such a way I don't get injured. I also have to be mindful, if I were to go to a business like a restaurant, that I'd need to remain on my scooter. I don't trust other chairs, even two of them, to hold my weight. Moreover, I don't want to be injured in a fall. I have fallen in my home before (I was about 660), and firefighters had to help my husband get me up.

As far as the social aspect of being fat in public, I've always enjoyed the stares, particularly if I'm eating a big meal while fat. I wore bikinis on my honeymoon, and being gawked at was a turn-on for both my athletic, fit husband and me.

As I've gotten even bigger, people tend to look much less than they did 200 or 300 lb ago. It's almost like my size is so extreme, people avert their eyes, as though extreme obesity is contagious. I do catch children staring though, and I always make eye contact with them and give them a reassuring smile. Usually, they smile back. I think there's a lesson there that even people who look very different are people too.

One last observation... People tend to overestimate my age, particularly if my hair is pulled back. I have a youthful face, but it's very uncommon for a 31-year-old to have gotten this big and to need a mobility scooter. Unless I have my long hair down, fully styled, people often think I'm an older relative of my husband's.