I first started trying to get fat when I was around seven years old. I didn't really know what I was doing so I just ate extra goldfish crackers or cookies whenever I had the chance.
The first time I started to feel insecure about my tummy was in high school. I had heard the way my loved ones talked about fat growing up and, while I always admired fatness and wanted it for myself deep down, it took a lot to unpack the internalized feelings of shame. I went back and forth on it for years and years, sometimes intentionally gaining, sometimes intentionally losing.
Using BMI for reference alone, between high school and my early 20s my weight varied between the higher end of "healthy" and the middle of "obese class I," the latter of which is where I am now.
I now have a physically active job and a supportive partner who happens to be fat but has no interest in the kink herself, outside of how my gaining makes me happy. Both have helped me to feel more secure in my decisions when it comes to gaining. I feel better about my body now than I have since I was a kid, and I feel more healthy and physically capable than almost any point in my adulthood.
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