General

Hey guys
I’ve been seeing this guy in the past month who’s really nice and we’ve been experimenting in bed a bit.
I’d never thought of bringing feederism up before because my attraction is mostly to seeing someone outgrow their clothes / eat until they’re helplessly full / being generally greedy in a way that has weight-related consequences, but unintentionally. Being the direct cause of that is something that I find immoral, since none of my partners were ever into that kind of thing.
Anyway, I think this guy has some sub/shame-related kinks that he hasn’t fully shared with me yet. He likes food and he likes cooking and he often eats too much. I find myself thinking of trying to somehow play into my fantasies in real life, if he’s into it.
What are some practical ways to start? How would you bring this up?

If applying a term, I highly recommend "feedism" rather than "feederism". It sounds sweeter and takes the emphasis off of the feeder to be inclusive on both sides.

It might be worth casually starting up a kink-related conversation. You could start simply with that you like seeing him enjoy his food and it turns you on a bit, or something similar to get a sense of how he might react. If he volunteers that he has any sub leanings, perhaps you could ask to feed him. Starting soft and feeling it out could be a good play.

The advice I've given before (which worked BTW!) is to ask your bf to tell you his deepest fantasies. Push him on it. Enact his fantasies if possible.

Eventually he'll ask you about YOUR fantasies.

Tell him.

You should respect his boundaries

It’s really respectful that you are mindful of his boundaries and don't want to force anything. However, from the perspective of someone who absolutely loves the feeling of gaining weight and having a heavy, growing belly, finding a partner who actively desires and encourages this is an incredible experience.

Since you mentioned he already loves cooking, eats a lot, and might have some sub/shame kinks, you actually have a perfect and natural way to start.

I would start with positive reinforcement, praise his appetite. When he cooks or eats a big meal, tell him how much it turns you on to see him enjoy his food.

And play into the sub/shame kink: Next time he overeats, playfully tease him about it. You can touch his full belly and say something like, 'Look how stuffed you are,' or encourage him to finish that extra portion just for you.

Most important, create a safe space, because ppl often feel guilty about gaining weight or overindulging. So make it very clear that you find his indulgence and his physical changes highly attractive. This removes the stigma.

Something that helps me in the past is to play it one meal at a time. gauge his reactions to your gentle teasing and encouragement. If he blushes or leans into it, you'll know you can slowly turn up the heat.