Has anyone here, or your partner, experienced underestimating your own size after a large weight gain? I'm currently 725 lb, after briefly reaching immobility and exceeding 900 lb. After a medical emergency, a hospital stay of more than a month, and a very strict supervised diet, I regained some mobility, although still very limited. I didn't want to lose weight, and I certainly didn't want to stop stuffing, but my heart was failing, my belly button hernia ruptured, I had infections from skin tears, and I developed severe non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. The weight loss was a life-saving necessity.
I do enjoy being able to stand and being able to take a few steps outside, along with fitting in the backseat of our van again (I was even too big for that at one point). I have a little more independence as far as hygiene, though I still need help, and I can cover myself appropriately with clothing. At my largest, I relied on bed sheets. These are all positive things, not to mention my heart isn't on the verge of giving out.
That said, I had a bi-weekly doctor's appointment this week, and my doctor very much wants me to lose another hundred lb and then get weight loss surgery. I've made it clear I don't want the surgery, and I also don't want to get smaller than 600 lb. When I look at myself in the mirror now, my brain tells me I'm getting too thin. My face, feet, hands, and legs are less puffy because my lymphedema has subsided, and I look less spherical. Intellectually, I know someone over 700 lb, with a waistline more than 100 in around, isn't wasting away, but part of me is sad that I'm not at the same massive extreme I once reached.
I'm not looking for encouragement to regain weight. I wouldn't survive for long, and I'm not a death feedist. Yet... There's still part of me that wants to order ALL the food and stuff myself until I can't physically hold another bite. Actually, I know I would do it if I had a weak moment, and my husband, family, and doctors weren't watching me. During my most extreme stuffings, I would eat for days until my whole body became bloated, my stomach was painful and hard as a rock, I couldn't breathe, was sweating, and my heart was racing. I think I might actually be one of those people who would keep going until their stomach burst.
Now, not only am I constantly hungry, but In the mirror, I see someone who is getting too small. Has anyone else ever experienced this, or known someone who has? Something isn't connecting between my eyes and my brain...
I do enjoy being able to stand and being able to take a few steps outside, along with fitting in the backseat of our van again (I was even too big for that at one point). I have a little more independence as far as hygiene, though I still need help, and I can cover myself appropriately with clothing. At my largest, I relied on bed sheets. These are all positive things, not to mention my heart isn't on the verge of giving out.
That said, I had a bi-weekly doctor's appointment this week, and my doctor very much wants me to lose another hundred lb and then get weight loss surgery. I've made it clear I don't want the surgery, and I also don't want to get smaller than 600 lb. When I look at myself in the mirror now, my brain tells me I'm getting too thin. My face, feet, hands, and legs are less puffy because my lymphedema has subsided, and I look less spherical. Intellectually, I know someone over 700 lb, with a waistline more than 100 in around, isn't wasting away, but part of me is sad that I'm not at the same massive extreme I once reached.
I'm not looking for encouragement to regain weight. I wouldn't survive for long, and I'm not a death feedist. Yet... There's still part of me that wants to order ALL the food and stuff myself until I can't physically hold another bite. Actually, I know I would do it if I had a weak moment, and my husband, family, and doctors weren't watching me. During my most extreme stuffings, I would eat for days until my whole body became bloated, my stomach was painful and hard as a rock, I couldn't breathe, was sweating, and my heart was racing. I think I might actually be one of those people who would keep going until their stomach burst.
Now, not only am I constantly hungry, but In the mirror, I see someone who is getting too small. Has anyone else ever experienced this, or known someone who has? Something isn't connecting between my eyes and my brain...
8 hours
