Hey everyone, first time posting since leaving a couple of years ago (*I always come back!*).
TL;DR I made a VR simulation that gives a first-person view of my body at increasingly high weights, to visualize and experiment with my feelings.
First, I'd like to say a bit about my history with feedism.
Over the last decade, I did the "feeder-turned-feedee" thing, where I tried to gain but backed out, over and over. Every time I tried gaining again, it was sooner and sooner after backing out. I also stuck to it for longer each time. The urges have become stronger each time, and recently, much more vivid. Now, I spend time imagining the weight of my belly on my thighs, and how it will slide and shift as I stand up. I could go on.
I decided that I needed to know what I would *see* when I look down at my body. I really want to reach at least 500 pounds, definitely not more than 800 (but open to 600 with a serious feeder). I'm 5'9", male, so it seemed like I had enough information to create an accurate estimate of how I would look. Of course, weight distribution varies a lot, but I was able to generate models whose fat distributions match my current proportions, so I'm happy with it.
I had Claude Code use Blender to generate a model using my height, age, sex, weight, measurements, and projected weight. I chose 150 pounds first since that would be the easiest for me to evaluate as "looking like me, but fat." It looked up a bunch of anthropometric data, did a bunch of math, and wrote a script that generated the model. It looked realistic, the proportions and curves.
I had it generate the next models, one after one in 50 pound increments: 200, 250, 300...all the way up to 650 pounds. I cloned an Unreal starter project/plugin that is popular for VR games, and asked Codex to throw together a scene with these models.
It was amazing. I laid in bed with my Quest 2 on. I looked down, and I saw myself (I also had it model my current body). Looks just like me. But then I pressed the right trigger and I saw myself at 150. I thought to myself "wow, that's more than I thought" although it wasn't crazy. Same for 200, but then 250 was actually pretty big.
Three-hundred pounds was huge! So much bigger than I expected. It was a lot to process, although 350 and 400 just felt like 300 but a bit bigger. Then 450 and 500 were huge, and I could barely believe 550 pounds. I laid there for a while (I didn't make the bigger models until a couple of days later), just looking down at my body. I could barely see the top of my belly, some of it. I had breasts that stuck out twice as much as I had imagined (but their size looked normal on my monitor, in third-person). I knew my arms were at a 35-degree angle, but it felt like it was twice that.
I'll post some screenshots when I'm not high. It's a Meta headset, so I want to make sure I don't accidentally doxx myself with metadata or something.
Needless to say my urges have felt more and more like they're about the body that would *feel like me*. A body that would be so fulfilling to build and make my own. You guys have really helped me to accept that this is part of me, and to embrace these feelings and enjoy life.
Let me know what your thoughts are, or if you have any questions about it. I'm still high, so I'm gonna eat and lay down. ✌️
TL;DR I made a VR simulation that gives a first-person view of my body at increasingly high weights, to visualize and experiment with my feelings.
First, I'd like to say a bit about my history with feedism.
Over the last decade, I did the "feeder-turned-feedee" thing, where I tried to gain but backed out, over and over. Every time I tried gaining again, it was sooner and sooner after backing out. I also stuck to it for longer each time. The urges have become stronger each time, and recently, much more vivid. Now, I spend time imagining the weight of my belly on my thighs, and how it will slide and shift as I stand up. I could go on.
I decided that I needed to know what I would *see* when I look down at my body. I really want to reach at least 500 pounds, definitely not more than 800 (but open to 600 with a serious feeder). I'm 5'9", male, so it seemed like I had enough information to create an accurate estimate of how I would look. Of course, weight distribution varies a lot, but I was able to generate models whose fat distributions match my current proportions, so I'm happy with it.
I had Claude Code use Blender to generate a model using my height, age, sex, weight, measurements, and projected weight. I chose 150 pounds first since that would be the easiest for me to evaluate as "looking like me, but fat." It looked up a bunch of anthropometric data, did a bunch of math, and wrote a script that generated the model. It looked realistic, the proportions and curves.
I had it generate the next models, one after one in 50 pound increments: 200, 250, 300...all the way up to 650 pounds. I cloned an Unreal starter project/plugin that is popular for VR games, and asked Codex to throw together a scene with these models.
It was amazing. I laid in bed with my Quest 2 on. I looked down, and I saw myself (I also had it model my current body). Looks just like me. But then I pressed the right trigger and I saw myself at 150. I thought to myself "wow, that's more than I thought" although it wasn't crazy. Same for 200, but then 250 was actually pretty big.
Three-hundred pounds was huge! So much bigger than I expected. It was a lot to process, although 350 and 400 just felt like 300 but a bit bigger. Then 450 and 500 were huge, and I could barely believe 550 pounds. I laid there for a while (I didn't make the bigger models until a couple of days later), just looking down at my body. I could barely see the top of my belly, some of it. I had breasts that stuck out twice as much as I had imagined (but their size looked normal on my monitor, in third-person). I knew my arms were at a 35-degree angle, but it felt like it was twice that.
I'll post some screenshots when I'm not high. It's a Meta headset, so I want to make sure I don't accidentally doxx myself with metadata or something.
Needless to say my urges have felt more and more like they're about the body that would *feel like me*. A body that would be so fulfilling to build and make my own. You guys have really helped me to accept that this is part of me, and to embrace these feelings and enjoy life.
Let me know what your thoughts are, or if you have any questions about it. I'm still high, so I'm gonna eat and lay down. ✌️
2 days
