General

I want to kiss everyone who has posted, and hug them and let them know they are awesome.

But I sound kinda lame saying that.

I am actually very content with my life. I have things that I would like to change, but do not feel bad about life or myself.

I'm terribly sad to hear how some of the frequent faces on this site are still very depressed or have had some very troubling things happen to them. I hope you all find peace in your own lives and the comfort to forgive those who have wronged you. I hope that some of you develop open lines of communication with your significant others. I also hope that some of you can find whatever strength you need to overcome your self doubts and insecurities.

Cheers all. You are all fine, and you're only human.

I can control my dreams, and I used to all the time to stop the reoccurring dream of attacking my step dad.

Now I let it happen. I dream this at least 5 times a month.

He is the reason I used to hate myself, and with a recent injury he symbolizes the hate I have for my situation.
I don't even feel bad about it anymore.

I cried today, for about 20 minuets.

the reason?:

I can not seem to pass this weight.
I don't play sports, I don't compete, and I hate this feeling. I hate winning to let someone else lose, but I loath losing to myself.

I hate letting myself down.I hate letting others down.I hate not having patience...

So new plan. I am going to eat more normally. Hope my metabolism kinda settles, and then do the stuffing again. I spent over 200 bucks on food in the last 2 weeks. I would have wished for more gains with the amount of food and cost.

your kind letter did.



i confess i love you all.
and im sober.

I spend all day in my room with the door closed, i have no friends, and i have never been in a relationship. I'm paranoid of other people and kept my self emotionally distant. I have no purpose to live.

eats lemon pie...more cream!


i wanted to confess i had a few nice orgasms this weekend.

...due to the fact my belly now covers Endymion's nipples and also he fed me little Debbie cakes.
plus we got a suite at a nice hotel and he barely could fit into the tub when i was in it...
*splashes water*

Ok so if i have have a purpose how am i supposed to find it. I have been trying to give myself a purpose for years now and in the end i still have nothing to show for it. You are right that i should put myself on the line if i'm ever going to get over my paranoia of other people but i just can't seem to get myself to do. I think about why i can't just open up to people in front of me but i just can't figure out why it's so hard for me. I really whine about my life too much everyone has problems so why would i think other people would want to hear mine.

I wasn't expecting a response at all but yes you are right you two did respond so i was wrong about that. I have tried working i even stayed at a job for seven months(some of you may think that's not a lot of time but for me it is)and i tried to make friends but instead i ended up hating everyone. While working i just wanted to kill myself and everyone around me and i used to play sports but i never had fun so i just quit like i did with my job. My big problem as i see it is that people for no real reason really irritate me. Out of everyone i meet 99% of people i hate within the first 30 minutes of talking and that 1% i just don't mind spending time with but i wouldn't care if we never saw each other again. I tried in high school and after high school and i just can't seem to like people i know i shouldn't get annoyed with people i don't even know but i just do.

Hmmm, sounds alot like me...