I am a feeder and have noticed that for some people it seems to be a phase that they go through, that can be very exciting. But then as fast as it came, they lose it again. Sometimes they feel to me (as a full blood feeder that will always be a feeder no matter what) a little flightly and wierd, since first you see that person, totally excited, then it vanishes completely, like never have existed.
This is helped by the fact, that most feeders and feedees seem to live in the closet and never really have been fed/or have fed somebody else. And neither want to experience it, or (as in my case) get frustrated of getting so little real life experience out of it, or so little possibility to connect on a personal level (maybe just as fellow feeders or feedees, to have somebody to talk about it, human to human). My posts recently, trying to setup a meeting in the San Francisco Bay area have showed me what I knew already a little. That is nothing provocative, nothing strange, nothing wild and I got zip response, everybody seem to be scared or at least, not chose to live this out in the real world. I do get it, since we are all kind of hiding.
I just recently told a friend that I am feeder (because we talked about sexual preferences and I did not want to talk about mine and then her curiosity made her push me to tell)
And now she is shocked. She is big herself, but has serious issues with her weight and definitely does not want to gain, that is the furthest thing for her on her mind. I totally understand that and would never have had the slightest inkling of a thought to try to "convince" her to become a feedee, since we all know: you either are, or you are not.
But it still damaged the relationship and I am pretty sure that she deep inside now thinks that I am a worse person than she thought before, which is sad. But I am what I am and I do not appologize. I don't harm anyone with this, this is only between consenting adults and a feedee needs to be fed, we all know that. They will do it with or without us and it is important to share this, as nobody can understand the excitement (sexual or otherwise) of feeding or gaining and "the fat growing experience (tm) (r)" (now at Disneyworld, no I am just kidding )
So I think it is very alike the homosexual movement in the 50 and 60: They pretty much had to hide, they were discriminated big time and some even classified it as a psychiatric disease. Now gayness is accepted, thank god! But feederism is something so hideous for some people, it is like the unspeakable.
Well, we live in a world of fat phobia, as we all know.
And then there is the thing about just wanting to experience how it is to have your body grow or shrink, to modify it. And that can also be feeding and I guess, once you have had this experience, you have.... had it. End of story.
But in my case I have noticed the lust for feeding (or even thought of being a feedee myself) fade in and out in strenght, sometimes I am turned on by the very extreme (force feeding) and then sometimes other stuff. Experimenting is something that a lot of people do of course, to find out what feels good.
And then I wonder, where the line between FA and Feeder is. Is there one? Or is every true FA also a feeder (as more can always be sexy, depending where your top weight is, that you still find attractive)
And I guess it fits with feedees too: They have a setpoint, towards which they gain: If you have a feedee that is 180 lbs, and she has a setpoint of 350, she is going to gain at some point, hindered by diets and all kinds of conformism behaviour to please the expectations of others instead of the ones of herself. But with the right environment, she will gain up to 350 and then stay there and be happy, feel better with her body. Yet she might never really let herself go or get the proper encouragement. This also depending on how conformist she lives her life, how much she thinks that the world is shaped by what others want of her (I have to be attractive to others, to feel attractive to myself), or what she herself wants (I don't care what others think)
And as there are different setpoints, there are also likes of feeders, that want their feedees to reach maybe only 270 lbs and then "she becomes too fat for me" and that would fit fine with a feedee that only wants to go up to 260 lbs.
The phase I have right now is called: realism. I prefer to watch a feedee eat or go out eating and talk about feederism and what is means, maybe even in a group or people (and just meeting in a non feeding environment), than doing this extreme super feeding in my dreams and fantasy. I am a little tired of this. I have written sooooo many stories (see my website) that it kind of gets old just living in a fantasy world. I would like to know what other feeders think, real people, their experiences and expectations, their frustrations or whatever and form friendships.
So I am curious about what is going to happen. Seems to me that I am a pioneer, entering a unmapped country that few others have walked. Much less written reports about or drawn maps.
And thanks for that intelligent post about this new way of seeing things. Very interesting indeed!
Markus (aka Rubens_Feeder)
14 years
