General

At said functions you position yourself strategically to be the first served

You know you're fat when every move you make while sitting in a computer chair causes it to groan and creak.

your favourite foods are pork crackle and fried chicken skin

Your belly jiggles when you brush your teeth.

When you keep bursting your knicker elastic when out shopping!

When your nurse tells you your injections you have to get in your belly won't hurt due to your "extra, erm, padding." Didn't know whether to be offended or take the compliment!

hahah two of these are wrong !!
My thighs rubbed when I was 60 kilos and a doctor once told me to lose weight when I was 60 aswell !

You know your fat when your kids ask you when their brother or sister are due.

You know your fat when two polite people open up and hold a double set of doors for you to walk through.

You know your fat when the assistant in primark suggests that you might find what you want in the mothercare maternity section.

You know your girlfriends fat when you walk to other side of the room and shes still standing next to you.

You know your fat when you go a loo and your toilet burps afterwards.

You know you're fat when you can use your belly as a tray for food

You know you're fat when you cave in beds

You know you're fat when you desperately want to try a "Food Crawl"

You know your fat when your boyfriend tries to give you a piggyback and collapses to his knees:

You know you're fat when you have intentionally used the top of your stomach as a shelf.