Gaining

I've been there.

When I first tried to gain in my early 20's, I wasn't quite ready to take on the fat prejudice and forgo the pressure of going along with more...conventional ideas of what's attractive and beautiful, much less having to deal with it every day. So, I lost and went back to my "normal" life.

But I never forgot how good and how erotic it was with the extra poundage I had put on for that short period of time (about a year and I had gained about 40 lbs). I knew that it felt right, but I still worried about how others, especially those close to me would feel about me. Especially if they didn't know that I was gaining weight on purpose and wasn't letting my life go out of control and having their concern become misguided enough to think that they could fix me.

It took me a long time to come to terms with what I wanted to be deep down inside versus what I wanted others to think of me. And I had to take a long, hard and completely honest look at myself and ask if what I feel I need to be inside is worth going through something that might make me seem like a "freak" to others.

I think I was probably on the fence for a few years, but I knew that I was always meant to be fat. And I always imagined myself being teased and shamed (it was always part of my ideal fantasy life) for getting bigger, I just had to accept that it might come at times where I might not welcome it as openly.

I never felt the shame as acutely I guess. Maybe part of growing up fat? I dunno.

I've known ridicule on account of my size but it's never incited anything other than anger from me. (Perhaps because even as a young child I knew I liked the way I felt? Again, not sure.)

As for having humiliation and shame twined up in the eroticism, not so much. A little light teasing is alright but not heavy ridicule (or names like pig or hog). That's more likely to make me angry than turn me on.

Ambivalence is an aphrodesiac in weight gain circles. So shame is a double-edged sword for many. It feels good and bad at the same time.

I was heavy as an adolescent and teen, gained in college as well. I remember being teased a bit about my weight, but I don't really recall feeling shame. Not that I was really fat, just overweight. Even back then I "tingles" (for lack of a better term) for the fetish of wanting to gain and be fat. Today, as I deliberately gain, but fairly slowly and do worry about "what people will say". Though it is obvious that I have put on weight, my wife has said nothing and in fact seems to have become a subtle encourager, which I have been, as she is a BBW. My age (>60) also becomes an excuse to gain as well, as older people tend to be heavier than younger ones, at least that's the way I feel. Take heart, don't be ashamed of your body, no matter skinny or obese.