Gaining

So I've been thinking. People sleep walk right? Some people do things in their sleep.
One of my friends has sleep walked out of bed to his video games, played online, gone back to bed, and did not remember a thing.
That being said, sleep eating seems very possible, and I have read that it is a true thing.
I would love to do that, but either way, that's a pretty nice excuse to gain haha
Any thoughts?

Sleeping aid Stilnox/Ambien has been known to cause sleep eating, among other dangerous activities during sleep. It's only happened in two of 82 cases studied, but it did cause some serious weight gain in those two. Not worth the risk, I'd say.

I haven't checked but I bet it's a side effect Dayvigo too.

I usually take it at 10 mg along with 1 mg of clonazepam, as prescribed by my psychiatrist.

Yesterday before bed I smoked cannabis, something I rarely do because I fear the munchies (even with the sleeping medication I still wake up multiple times at night to eat, which often results in a binge on foods I rarely allow myself during the day or in very small amounts).

If I smoke, I usually skip at least the Dayvigo (pretty sure I've taken clonazepam after smoking and was fine, meaning I still woke up and ate, probably more than usual and chose foods which aren't typical for me).

Yesterday I smoked cannabis before bed, took the clonazepam AND the Dayvigo and something a bit frightening happened...

I remember I was way more sleepy than usual during the whole process.

I was thirsty so I opened a can of San Pellegrino that must have been shaken a little because when I pushed the tab in it volcanoed EVERYWHERE. In my face (including my eyes), hair (which I had to wash this morning because it was all stuck together), on the countertop, bottom cabinet doors, floor... some even hit the ceiling.

I was so not expecting this I dropped the can, which I quickly picked up, but I was unaware the aluminum can punctured near the bottom when it hit the floor so the sugary liquid kept leaking and it took me a while to realize what was happening. I tried to wipe up the mess but in sleepy my cleaning attempt was not very successful.

I was also very hungry and I ate so much... I just don't remember all of it, there are pieces missing from my memory. A little like people drink too much alcohol and have blackouts?

When my boyfriend woke up and walked into the kitchen, he was shocked by the terrible state of it and asked me what the heck happened?

He seemed quite angry and I felt ashamed, as it was the first time he mentioned anything about the aftermath of one of my night binges (he most likely notices foods missing but never comments about it).

Binge eating is not like overindulging voluntarily, there's a lot of shame and self hate when you suffer from that type of eating disorder.

I remember eating half the block of cheese I had bought that day, handfuls of mixed nuts (which bag was behind a box of muesli I apparently tipped over, spilling all of its content on the countertop and floor - I have absolutely no memory of that happening), at least part of a bagel and a lot of honey...

I know I had cut some more of the cheese to make myself a honey and cheese bagel. I remember cutting the bagel, putting it in and starting the toaster and eating spoonfuls of honey from the jar while waiting.

What I am not sure is if I actually finished preparing the bagel once it was toasted, or if I just spread some honey on it and started eating it. I don't even remember if I ate all of the bagel or not.

I had bought huge chocolate chips and pecan cookies for my boyfriend from a bakery he really loves. I don't usually allow myself to eat pastries especially lately as I'm trying to lose the 20-30 lbs I involuntarily gained since last October after being put on Vyvanse for my ADHD.

Weigh loss is a lot more common with this stimulant medication, but in my case, I have so little appetite during the day I don't eat enough or forget to eat so I get ravenous in the evening and at night.

It's like my body is making sure I get enough calories in, regardless of if the foods are nutritious or junk...

In the morning, I was in shock when I realized I had mindlessly eaten both cookies in my half awake state.

My boyfriend mentioned something about chocolate which I don't actually remember eating any but I have a vague memory that I broke a row of his 200 g Lindt fruits and nuts bar (I'm not trying to fatten him, I'm merely trying to stop or slow down the weight loss he's been experiencing in the last months due to burn out, depression and anxiety - which is the same state I'm in but I've always been an emotional eater).

I'll tell my psychiatrist on my appointment wednesday but I want to stop the stimulant (which had been switched to Foquest in the hopes the longer duration of action would stop the night binges - they haven't, I feel they got worse) and the Dayvigo (which is ineffective for my insomnia anyway), especially if he confirms there's been reported cases of somnambulism.

I used to take Strattera with my Wellbutrin (an antidepressant I've been on for years without any weight issues). I hope things start improving soon because I just can't keep going like this...

(continued)

On a last note, my boyfriend knows about addiction as he's been smoking cigarettes and using cannabis since he was only 14. He also used to be an alcoholic, but has been sober for at least 2-3 years.

Since it is his apartment (I have my own upstairs, but I usually sleep at his place because I like to cuddle in bed), I have been extremely tolerant of things that come with his addictions: empty cigarette butts (he mixes the tobacco with the weed) and cigarette box cutouts (he makes the filters from them) all over his desk and on the floor, perpetually overflowing ashtrays, daily fits of coughing in the morning (sometimes to the point of vomiting) and the flegma he's been spitting in trash cans (sometimes he misses and they end up on the floor), in the sinks, in the toilet bowl...

I've always found spitting repulsive but I love him and I knew what I was getting into from the beginning. I close my eyes or turn my head away when I know he's about to spit.

I think he understands my eating disorders (restrict/binge cycles, weight fluctuations, body dysmorphie/dissatisfaction) aren't things I can control either, but his reaction to the mess I've made of his kitchen last night really hurt me.

He's at work so I stayed in bed all day, not eating but drinking flavoured fizzy water when I get thirsty. I wrote to him a text message (I don't know if he read it yet) saying that I would have to sleep at least the next few nights at my place where I can lock the food cabinets and fridge to keep myself from night eating (I keep the keys in a time lock box until the next morning).

I hope he'll come upstairs (my apartment in on the 3rd floor in the same building as my boyfriend's who on the main floor) some days to sleep with me, but it's the end of the school semester and he's been working relentlessly on his guitar and ukulele. Most days he comes out of his workshop only to have supper, smoke weed, brush his teeth and heads to bed. By then he's so exhausted I don't know if he could even walk upstairs to my place.

If he has school or is working the next day, he prefers to sleep at his place because all of his things are there and he has severe ADHD and tends to get so disorganized he often arrives late to school and work.

His boss told him the next time he comes in late he will be let go and if (when?) that happens I'm worried his mental health will take a turn for the worse. I know he's been having passive suicidal ideations (he says things like "I wish I would disappear" or "I can't do this anymore" ), but I'm worried and don't want want to lose my lover and best friend...

He's taking an antidepressant and has support from a social worker, but I can see it's hard for him to ask for help.

Good on you for being proactive with your health. I wish you well.

That said, is your partner in therapy? Because if not, is sounds like he really needs to be in therapy.

He isn't because he can't afford it (our healthcare system overs part of the medication costs but not of therapy).

Since my appointment at the endocrinologist I'm a lot more depressed myself. Despite my best efforts I haven't lost any weight and according to him there's no medical explanation to my getting fatter so fast therefore I feel very hopeless.

I try to restrict myself but I only end up bingeing more on forbidden foods later in the day or at night.

Still on sick leave but I'll have to start working again soon. The mere idea of going back makes me want to quit because I just can't cope with any weight gain comments tbh.

Saw my mom for Christmas and it was obvious she noticed my fuller figure and was walking on eggshells and sugarcoating her words in order not to hurt my feelings... but I nonetheless started crying uncontrollably.

There are helplines and hotlines out there. And if he has a job, they usually cover some level of mental health care in the form of an EAP.

You might benefit from that too

My employer allows me a few appointments with a therapist. Since I started seeing her, one of my goals was to work on my internalized fat phobia but with my ADHD I keep digressing and there's never enough time to address this topic.

Do you ever go in with a list of things to talk about? Like a physical list?

I make lists all the time but I never did for my therapy sessions...