10 years
Letting go
weighting4u wrote:
I have always been someone who puts on weight easily, but have never gotten too far overweight because I like to exercise (sometimes) and keep in shape (sometimes). But I go through phases where I just don't care about all that, and I get lazy and pack on the pounds. That is what has happened over the last year or so. I've gone from 128 to 154 and it is 100% unintentional. I have learned to embrace this about myself and to enjoy my body when I'm fat almost as much as when I'm fit. But now I'm at the point where I've gained too much to be in that grey area, of neither thin nor fat. I can no longer throw on a loose fitting blouse and hide the rolls. I can no longer look trim. Not by a long shot. The more it sinks in that people are seeing me as an overweight person, the more I wonder what difference it makes if I lose the weight or not. And I think of all the delicious things I could be eating right now if I had no desire to try to stop myself from gaining more weight. And these thoughts kind of blow my mind. I wonder what would happen if I just ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and gave in to every temptation. Would I blow up like a balloon?
Has anyone who had previously kept themselves in decent shape throughout their life ever felt this way? Was there a point when you were really able to say, "I don't care any more, I'm going to indulge and never look back!" If there was, what was the turning point for you? Or what event in your life caused you to change your perspective? And finally, did you gain an enormous amount of weight? If so, did you regret it?
I have always been someone who puts on weight easily, but have never gotten too far overweight because I like to exercise (sometimes) and keep in shape (sometimes). But I go through phases where I just don't care about all that, and I get lazy and pack on the pounds. That is what has happened over the last year or so. I've gone from 128 to 154 and it is 100% unintentional. I have learned to embrace this about myself and to enjoy my body when I'm fat almost as much as when I'm fit. But now I'm at the point where I've gained too much to be in that grey area, of neither thin nor fat. I can no longer throw on a loose fitting blouse and hide the rolls. I can no longer look trim. Not by a long shot. The more it sinks in that people are seeing me as an overweight person, the more I wonder what difference it makes if I lose the weight or not. And I think of all the delicious things I could be eating right now if I had no desire to try to stop myself from gaining more weight. And these thoughts kind of blow my mind. I wonder what would happen if I just ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and gave in to every temptation. Would I blow up like a balloon?
Has anyone who had previously kept themselves in decent shape throughout their life ever felt this way? Was there a point when you were really able to say, "I don't care any more, I'm going to indulge and never look back!" If there was, what was the turning point for you? Or what event in your life caused you to change your perspective? And finally, did you gain an enormous amount of weight? If so, did you regret it?
It's crazy how when you first gain a good amount of weight after being thin.....everyone who ever knew you becomes in shock and don't really hesitate to not only stare and double take but comment "Wow, you got FAT"
But as time goes on and those people get used to you being bigger it becomes almost natural and even the modest extra gains go not even noticed or discussed by the same people. It makes sense that it is a shock at first but it is funny that they almost accept the fatter you like it is normal now and the few extra Lbs. that you recently gained are either unnoticed or not that big of a deal like they have accepted the change. So, it is not really that the gain ever looked bad it is just a change or big difference at first i think. Or maybenthey have just put you into the Fat category now and assume that you will keep getting fatter!
As people get used to you being bigger than once thin it takes quite a bit more weight to usually induce a comment. I have found after I went through a phase of shock with friends from thin to much bigger it took a lot of weight to even get a comment. I would say even when I gained a good 30-40 Lbs. not to many of my friends really commented....I am sure several of them noticed and thought things to themselves and only a few commented, one being a girl friend of mine that I hadn't seen in several months, after we greeted each other with a big hug she said "Wow, you look good, you filled out a little, huh?" Almost a complimentary statement to say I got Fat in a non threatinng way.
Actually, several times I tried exactly what you said intentionally. I tried to fatten up to my highest weight for lack of my wife gaining weight and I became pretty turned on by how easy it seemed and how erotic and naughty it felt. I was trying to get up to 260--270 Lbs.
I never quite reached it but during this time there were many times where I felt totally out of control with my appetite and eating and couldn't believe how much I could consume. I can certainly see how when you get to a certain weight or get used to eating so much it is almost impossible to slow down and lose weight.
After I got to a point the intense desire to keep getting fatter kind of wore off but I still was the fattest I had ever been and it showed. My wife only commented a couple of times and a few colleagues at work noticed and in a round about way mentioned it.
The strangest thing was I tried multiple times to try and eat less and not snack or eat as much junk. I couldn't stop eating so much even though I tried. After I got to this weight I almost needed so much extra food to consume.....nearly 4 times as much as what I used to eat just 35 Lbs. earlier.
I sometimes wonder if there will be another adventure to try and beat my last weight gain?
10 years