Gaining

For most of my life I was thin (even athletic at one point), but I've always wanted to be fat -- at least since puberty. I tried several times to gain weight but had limited success. Long story short, I've finally succeeded in becoming undeniably fat, but still feel unsatisfied. I've been binging daily for months and am completely out of shape, and I'm terrified of slipping and losing weight. All I can think about is food and what I need to eat to at least maintain the weight and hopefully put on more. This is kind of a turn on, but even though I broke into a sweat putting on pants today and am fatter than ever, I feel deeply compelled to keep gaining.

In my mind I "need" to get fatter, but my body feels like it needs to be slower. I'm conflicted. Any thoughts are much appreciated.

I have to agree with "justluvfat".
I have been deliberately gaining most of this year and the end of last, trying to reach 220 lbs. I had some medical issues and lost over 10 lbs. Right now I'm in a maintain mode holding at 212 lbs. Which still leaves me clinically obese. I'm sure I will rejoin the gaining "bandwagon" but right now I'm comfortable with my size.

Thanks guys. You're right, there's no rush. I should be a little less obsessive about what the scale says everyday, enjoy where I'm at, and fantasize about where I want to be.
I love being this fat; I'm just not really accustomed to it yet since I put on most of the weight in about a year.

To you thinner prospective gainers out there: The *idea* of getting real fat can't account for the *reality* of it. I know that sounds obvious; it's just another way of saying that imagining it is different than living it. Unlike someone who has always been fat, you have to learn what it's actually like to be a fat person--physically, psychologically, socially--and adapt, which I'm finding out can be challenging. (No regrets, though.)

I would like to say that for me, gaining was more of a fantasy in the beginning. I loved seeing others gain and wondering what it was like to be fat over time. This was how I felt for year.

But does time for the fetish to become a need for me. I understand the psychological part of wanting to get fat or not.
I always enjoyed food but combine it with my laziness to exercise, I found I enjoyed my growth and never looked back.

So the reality is more challenging--that makes sense.

Is the reality BETTER in some ways though? Which?

It's definitely better in some ways -- I'd say particularly when I'm *surprised* by some unforeseen consequence of the gain: Like accidentally bumping into things because I'm not quite certain where the boundaries of my body are.

...Or when I was at the tailor's the other day to get new fat pants shortened, for instance. All I had to do was climb into the booth and get into and out of two new pairs of pants. By the time I checked out, I was sweating and out of breath as I struggled to give my information without making it obvious that I felt like the victim of a triathlon. This was a real turn-on and rewarding in a strange way. (Then I walked to the 7-11 next door and bought more food.)

I also just love the sensation of being fat: all this new soft, warm, jiggly mass on my body is awesome and so fun to play with! That's not something I ever really thought about or could relate to before the gain.

I do notice that a lot of feedee reach their goal and realize it's not enough.

Not you specifically, but if the shoe fits...

I think the issue for me is my stretched stomach capacity. It's become a need because it just takes so much to keep this tank filled!

I feel I have crossed that threshold of "fetish" to "need". I remember just a couple years back my over eating was a conscious ritual to add inches to my belly and bask in the glory of my increased weight. Now there is nothing conscious about it. I eat NON STOP because I have physical need for it. I feel hungry so much quicker. Practice this "fetish" enough and it will become a lifestyle.