Hi,
I am really enjoying your story, and it's very well-written from a number of perspectives. You should be really pleased.
However, there are a number of minor issues--tense changes, misspellings, extra words, etc--that could be cleaned up by an editor, if you can find one. Ideally, someone would do those corrections AND explain them to you, so you have a chance of correcting them yourself next time.
I know that's hard to do because of the content; we can't show this work to just anyone. And if you continue to post work like this, it will still get a lot of love, including from me. But if you could find someone, it would help.
8 years
