Fat experiences

No one here will judge you, your not alone in your thoughts of wanting to be fat and happy. Your very beautiful and anyone would be lucky to have you. Have you considered doing basic weight training? That way you can still be big but also be able to move around better. What's stopping you from having friends and a social life? Are there any bbw clubs near you? Also maybe put a personal ad on here saying where your at and what not and what your looking for

Also if you ever need anybody to talk to no matter what it is you can always message me

Sorry to hear that. When I read your story, I can't help but think there is some underlying depression. You should have that checked out by a medic, because there is medication that can help you to get back on your feet and feel better. You shouldn't feel unhappy.

Is there any possibility to join a local club, charity or anything like that, or even a church? A beautiful young girl like yourself shouldn't be locked inside her house. Could you try to go back to school, that would also be a good way to make new friends. Or try to find some volunteer work or so.

Also, I think you have to think about whether gaining weight is really what you want, or is it an escape? Is being a feedee in your DNA, or is it something that eases your emotional pain. If it is just easing your emotional pain, then you are just fighting the symptoms, while you should try to find what causes you this emotional pain and how you can avoid it. Think about what would really make you happy and feel good about yourself, and then try to find the courage to go for that. I know, much easier said than done, but if you speak to a doctor, you will see that there are therapies that could help you find the strength you need.
All the best!