8 years
Club butterfat- feedback and help
I loved the story at first, but after the pronoun switch I stopped. That's TOTALLY personal preference though and not at all criticism. It's definitely not something you should change. There are tons of people who are still totally into it.
That said, I have a suggestion that might help? I'm writing a story that's actually partially inspired by yours in some ways, and other stories I've read, and one of the things I've done is think about what I personally find hot during *ahem* intimate alone-time and then engineer a way that my dom character would force that onto the sub.
Your characters are all super rich and powerful. They probably all have different things to turn them on. Would they take turns with Stephanie? Would one of them want to see her try to work out? Would one want to treat her like a goddess? (probably not, given the story, but just brainstorming). Swimming? Going out in public and being humiliated? Breaking furniture? Teasing her because of the size of her genitals? Making her wear bras? Making her wear nothing? What sort of fantasies would each of the club attendants have, inspired by your own? If each character had one thing they liked that you could act on, then it wouldn't be repetitive because each club member would have her doing different things.
As far as 'finishing' the story, that is something that would be harder to help with. It depends what you think a good end would be. Police finding Stephanie and the rest and bringing them back to real life? Stephanie being immobile and realizing she's never going to have a chance to leave? Her being auctioned off? You get to decide where in the story things are 'done'.
I hope I helped a little bit. c: It's really a great story, and I know a ton of people would love for you to continue.
That said, I have a suggestion that might help? I'm writing a story that's actually partially inspired by yours in some ways, and other stories I've read, and one of the things I've done is think about what I personally find hot during *ahem* intimate alone-time and then engineer a way that my dom character would force that onto the sub.
Your characters are all super rich and powerful. They probably all have different things to turn them on. Would they take turns with Stephanie? Would one of them want to see her try to work out? Would one want to treat her like a goddess? (probably not, given the story, but just brainstorming). Swimming? Going out in public and being humiliated? Breaking furniture? Teasing her because of the size of her genitals? Making her wear bras? Making her wear nothing? What sort of fantasies would each of the club attendants have, inspired by your own? If each character had one thing they liked that you could act on, then it wouldn't be repetitive because each club member would have her doing different things.
As far as 'finishing' the story, that is something that would be harder to help with. It depends what you think a good end would be. Police finding Stephanie and the rest and bringing them back to real life? Stephanie being immobile and realizing she's never going to have a chance to leave? Her being auctioned off? You get to decide where in the story things are 'done'.
I hope I helped a little bit. c: It's really a great story, and I know a ton of people would love for you to continue.
7 years