Gaining

Yeah this is totally a thing. I am equal parts turned on and repulsed by my gaining (I'm pretty sure one feeds the other, and vice versa). 50% I am disgusted with myself, and determined to get back into shape, and 50% of the time I am thinking about how much I enjoy it.

Yep.

For me it is only when I’m aroused that I really want to pile on the pounds, which as I’ve started to gain myself has been all the time. So instead of wanting to stay for 75% of the time, I now only think about trying to stay fit maybe 30% of the time. This seems like a real slippery slope to me.

It's the getting out of shape, that bothers me the most.
I love looking in the mirror and admiring my growing waist and bottom/butt.
The issues of have trouble breathing when I bend down to tie shoes, etc. and getting winded quicker and moving slower.

For me the biggest turn on is the humiliation that comes with gaining weight. Despite that, it's also one of the things I hate the most. I hate watching my belly sag lower and realizing I can't hide how fat I'm getting with clothing anymore, and seeing people give me those condescending looks. I hate the fact that it turns me on even more. That and the getting out of breath easily, the sweating, how slow I move. It's humiliating but so hot. It's really a conflict; part of me wants to keep gaining and realize people are openly laughing at me and mocking me for letting myself go, and the other part wants to get back in shape and athletic again.