Fat experiences

So today I experienced what I can only describe as fat jealousy. I was shopping with a friend, and as I walked around the shop I turned down an aisle to see a huge guy with his girlfriend. This man was super big, belly hanging out the bottom of his shirt, huge double chin, and he was leaning on the shopping cart to support himself as he walked. My friend sort of pulled a face in shock at the sight, but all I could think of was how jealous I was of that, and how much I wanted to be in his place. Just an interesting experience, but it definitely gave me a motivational boost and I ate a hell of a lot more than usual when I got home.

I have definitely felt this before. It happens less frequently as I get fatter and encounter fewer people who weigh more than me.

The last time I felt this was in late 2019. I was listening to a speech by a university dean, and could not stop staring at her massive body. She must have weighed at least 450 pounds.

As she waddled across the stage, I noticed she was wearing a suit that was too small for her. Her jacket's sleeves were practically painted onto her arms. The fabric of her jacket was stretched tight across her back as she struggled to swing her arms.

I was totally jealous, and this just gave me extra motivation to gain weight.

I'm not jealous of those who are fatter than me, necessarily, but for as long as I can remember I was always "the skinny one". I'd often just find myself jealous that so many other people were free to eat and be as large as they please, but I always felt the pressure to be thin. I never had any intent to gain, but man I wish that I would've at least had the choice to.

I don't necessarily feel jealous, but I'll see a guy, or a woman/girl who's very obese and wonder how I would look that heavy/fat/obese.

For sure. I sometimes see someone a lot fatter than I am and it makes me wish I was that big.

When I was teenager and I was travelling with my family on a different country.
There was this pool near hotell and before I knew it I was STARING at this woman who was chubby and slightly fat (yes, the best kind for me)
Even I was just a teenager, I was amazed aand I felt that I should talk with her just anything. I just wanted to stare her for eternity.

Well.. We had free foods so what did I do that night at the hotell buffet? Ate everything I ever wanted.

At that same trip I also found this book that had very detailed descriptions abt how fat the person was. Something Just clicked deeply on that trip..

I used to be just like that when I was younger but I just kept those thoughts to myself but as I aged and actively started to live like this was when I started to see fat people with hanging fat; I became fascinated and I eventually started to do research on gaining that fat in particular which was subcutaneous fat and that fascination germinated into fat addiction.