Fat experiences

Hello, everyone! I'm new to the site. I'm a 6-foot tall male and have gained over 100lbs in the last three years, going from a fit four-workouts-a-week (and as a former fat kid/teen, fittest in my life) 175lbs up to an accidental, then intentional but temporary 307lbs (heaviest ever) before life events caused me to drop down to my current weight of 275lbs. I haven't been below 270lbs since gaining.

Obviously, I'm not the heaviest I've ever been. But today something happened to me that made me feel fatter than ever and I'm afraid/excited that it may have completely altered my self image. I guess I'm just hoping for feedback, shared experiences, or thoughts on what took place and how, right now, I feel it really changed things. But I don't know how yet...and I don't really know if it was a good experience or not.

Today I went to be fit for a suit. The employee who helped me was a young, short, and skinny young woman and the seamstress who made notes for alterations was a little older, tall, and slim. At first I underestimated my jacket size, asking to see a 44 when I needed a 50. Then I asked to see a size 42 pants but had to go up to 46 easily. When I asked for a shirt she took my measurements -- as I stood there I felt huge and heavy. She went and found a shirt, I put everything on and stepped up onto the viewing platform surrounded by panoramic full-body mirrors.

I don't know if it's because of the fit of the suit, or the look, or the tucking in of the shirt (I don't often since gaining), or the mirrors, or the two slender women standing beside me...I saw myself in a new light and to be honest, I freaked myself out.

I felt big and round and wide and like I was exposed. My love handles were so wide and pronounced even sucking in my gut seemed vain and pointless next to my whole silhouette. I didn't know how round my waist was or how padded and fat my back has become. I'm a little panicked, a very excited, but I feel like I've misunderstood what people's perception of me has been for so long. I'm 275, down from 315...so what must I have REALLY looked like before? I feel like a veil has been lifted and I don't know if I'm going to diet hard and try to drop it...or, since I'm here already, push things further...maybe lose later? I don't think my mental image of myself kept up with my gain.

Has anyone else freaked themselves out with their body? What did you do?

Tl;Dr: Suit fitting made me feel my size like never before and I'm both excited/terrified of what happens to my self image from here.

A couple of things resonate for me here.
1) self-image catching up to reality. I've gained maybe 20lbs over the past few years then recently lost maybe 30. My image of myself always takes ages to catch up! At the mo, I still feel overweight and touching my ribs/hipbones catches me off-guard. When I gained, I never quite got my head around fat in places like my sides, my belly, my face...
2) fitting rooms. Man, they are grim places! All those mirrors, all those angles you never normally see... And having people around looking at you? Bleurgh! I totally get that the whole thing would feel disarming
You're definitely not alone, wherever you go from here!

My self image is much better now that I have some weight on me. I feel like more of a man, rather than a shrimp :-)

My immediate visual image of others sure has changed since being a daily site visitor! Everyone I see in society without at least a few extra pounds looks absolutely emaciated, ha!

Loved your writing Newballoon! Your story had me going….I was thinking you were going to say that one of the skinny ladies helping you was in awe of your plush physique….and was a Feeder/FA.
Actually, how do you know if they didn’t admire your body and Fat. A lot of women do like much bigger men…..they may be dreaming about what they saw right now.

I recently had to get dressed up for the funeral of a former neighbor and friend. I hadn't worn my dress shirt or sport coat since before the pandemic. I couldn't button the collar and I couldn't button the sport coat. I bought the sport coat a couple of years ago at a thrift store, my old sport coats that I had to wear to work for many years were way too small.
I also saw myself in a photo of a meeting I was attending, I looked really heavy! Wow, I'm really getting fat!

i think your reaction is pretty common. i have gained 200 lbs over several years, and i have felt that way a number of times.
the first time was when someone showed me a video, and in it i stood with my hands on my hips. at first it didn't register that it was me, one of those "who is that fat guy?" moments. i was probably 240-250 lbs, so almost a hundred pounds into my gain.
this has happened a few times since. most recently when i was at a hotel and the elevator had windows on each wall - the first time in a long time i had seen my body from all sides. it was another, "wow, i am *fat*" moment. until then i didn't realize how other people saw my body at over 350 lbs.

so i think what you experienced is common for people who gain a lot. how did those sensations of feeling exposed make you feel?

Ayumi Orihime:
So if you are having doubts about gaining, I suggest you try maintaining? Even that can be hard for some people once they get into "bad" habits.[/quote]

I think that's a great suggestion. Maybe with a little time I'll get used to my current weight and feel better about getting heavier. Numerically, I'm so close to 300 I'd hate to go back now. But I have a suspicion 25lbs sounds like less than it really is, especially now that I feel more aware of my body.

And I had no idea the weight loss statistics were so grim.

Thank you for this! Clothes shopping must be my least favorite part of gaining, dressing rooms included. But like you said, they're usually not staring at you while you try on something new!

If I'm being absolutely honest, I love my new size. And I like the idea of being even bigger. But I think my worries are more social concerns (mostly family more than friends). I know it's my body and I'm not close to thin anymore. I guess some of the unwanted attention is still a big hangup.

I'll maintain for the near future but really this is an in-between weight until I can decide which direction to go. Thank you for your questions!

I really understand the peer anxiety. May I ask if there was something that finally pushed you past that fear? I'd like to find a way to push it out of my mind. I thought I had until this whole experience but maybe I was just in denial about how much I'd actually gained.

And getting fat feels REALLY good 100% agreed!