Petitegirl:
Sometimes i also like the stares/small comments of strangers, but sometimes it makes me and him really uncomfortable. How do you deal with that? Do you experience that too?
Strangers often comment really meanly his appearance or attack me why i would spend time with him.
But what hurts me/bothers me even more is judgmental/concerned friends and family members. I mean when they invite us for dinner they obviously see the whole show in action (i don’t know if we should just stop infront of them?) but they always bring up his weight/our lifestyle difference/why i don’t motivate him to work out etc. I mean they also witnessed him gaining a lot of weight in the last time period so they sometimes even touch his belly/see the shrinking clothes. One part of me really enjoys that but idk its also annoying and i feel bad that they don’t understand it and i feel so judged. Do you tell them the truth?How do you react in situations like that?
Most of these conflicts/judgements/tension points and how you and he handle them depend heavily upon your personality and way of relating to other people, and his, and each person to whom you’re relating. If you and he can get on the same page with how you two want to handle things when you’re together and when you’re not but he or you being with him comes up in conversation, that’ll likely get you most of the way where you want to go.
The variant i’ve lived through was me as the slender FA and my love as a medium-sized BBW
and hirsute. With no effort on her part, she was towards the masculine side of androgynous. At the time i presented more clearly male, but have always had femme mannerisms. We got grief more for that (gay couple?) than her fatness (and she wasn’t into feedism, so that wasn’t happening).
I’ve forever since birth been misunderstood by my family, so that’s a given, thus a low bar for me. Before i even met this love interest, i’d already laid out the line with my parents that i was into fat women, and that anyone i brought over, whether as a casual friend or something more intimate, would likely be in that category. As usual they had no idea what to make of it. I was already in my 30s and living away, so it didn’t come up all the time.
What i’m trying to convey is that i’ve long marched to the beat of my own drummer—usually myself. Loner, few friends, doing my own thing. Because this is my innate personality, it’s generally comfortable and easy for me to keep doing my own thing and not care what others think. I’ve not been in as many judgmental situations as you have. When they come up, what works for my personality is to throw it back at the judger: dig into some flaw of theirs (something they themselves think is a flaw they have), else blatantly judge them about something not usually discussed in polite company, to highlight what they’re doing to me and/or my companion. That’s what’s natural to me and in my comfort zone. When you and your 5x friend encounter these situations, you’ll need to do or not do what works for you, with your nature(s) and personality(ies).
