Fat experiences

I'm not a gainer, don't have a goal, nor anything like that. I just find release in eating or watching others eat and stuff themselves that nothing else can compare. Literally nothing.

And yet I do have fantasies and tendencies of gaining incredibly large, by myself, fed by someone, or growing with someone. My mind can't just sit still on this. All I know is that I look at my own stomach and feel dejected that its "not like the others I see online". But recently I realized its even worse.

I just have come to hate every part of my body that isn't my belly.

I love how soft it is, how moldable and doughy and makes my stress fly away.

But when I look at the person attached to that body I can't love myself.

Wishing to be bigger, to eat more, or something seems very normal here, but few act on that impulse. The only reason I honestly dont do it myself its how expensive it can get, plus how many jobs and careers get cut off from growing that large.

But when I think that the lovely tummy thats growing in front of my eyes is still the same tummy of someone who hates everything else, makes me think.

Honestly, I never realized it before. When I joined the kink and this community I was all up for the body positivity messages and ambient, and even spread some of that myself. But I never felt comfortable wearing clothes that showed too much of my gain, and I always reflexively suck my stomach in without noticing.

I'm currently seeing psychological help, but as this is a weird case even for normal therapy, I was wondering about the experience of others who might know more about this kind of case.

Tbh, I think it's the nature of this site. Why else are there so my feeders turned feedees on this site?

You see post after post of people loving their fat bodies, craving more of it. You see them enjoy the process and start to think "That looks so nice. I want that for myself."

Low-key reminds me of the effect apps like TikTok have on teen girls and young women.

Why don't you take a break from FF? Not necessarily leave. But maybe take a week or two off. Perhaps more, if needed. See if that helps. You have a lot of conflicting feelings and need some time and space to figure yourself out.

haha, As if I was very active on these platforms. I mostly lurk because I can't bring up the courage to initiate conversation.

But actually just a time off from the kink as a whole may not be a bad idea. Thanks!

I have a friend on here that was struggling to not rush his gains. He's taking a break and it's been easier for him.

I definitely step away and take breaks here and there.

I’ve been trying for a year to get over 250, highest I made it was like 245 but the last time I weighed myself a few weeks ago I was like 223. 😢

I try to remind myself that it’s supposed to be fun and enjoyable, not stressful!

I hope you will be kind to yourself and that you find the answers you need.

I agree that kindness and perspective are important when thinking about your gain.

One just the reality of gaining. You have to eat thousands of excess calories to gain a single pound. And food is expensive and time consuming even with a feeder. Sure you could probably eat a diet of bone milk and gainer powders with Fast food. But in my experience Feeder's enjoy their gain as indulgence not as actual livestock.

On the communal level Think that it's important to understand everyone plateaus or stops. That creating the idea of not big enough is equivalent to any diet industry scam

This is a really good way of putting it. Couldn't have said it better myself.

So I took a little break and I think I figured out something. way back before I was into the kink, I was going trough a very low point of my life with depression, devolving into hating myself. The fetish helped me accept my body for who I am. and I think my psyche and personality evolved a lot since then.

Thing is my self esteem and self image never changed. I still don't like my body nor the way I look, I just started using my chubby belly as a stress ball since its the only part that I can bear to look at in the mirror. So chances are that there are still things that I left unsolved just because my astonishment with growing tummies was so fervent.

as with most things I don't have much else to do about it except keeping ignoring this and let my life continue without ever really solving it. its not like its essential to my survival after all.

Welcome back. We are happy you're here.

I'm curious. Have you spoken to a professional about your body issues? A therapist could be very helpful.

I am seeking therapy. Unfortunately our sessions are usually two or more months apart.