General

It's the roughest choice ever right? On one hand I love my soft thighs and bulging tummy and big still quite perky tits. On the other hand I don't want to need to change my lifestyle so I can maintain the gaining, I would have to buy a whole new wardrobe and the inflation is going insane here in Czechia...
I despise seeing myself so fat, yet it arouses me so much. But my lifestyle isn't compatible with being obese. And I want to live my life and do a career in the field I work at and I can't imagine myself doing that and being obese ate the same time.
I know I have to stop for my health, to fit into my clothes, to be attractive for my boyfriend, but I just feel like I would loose the one thing that can truly satisfie me if you know what I mean. It feels like an addiction, extremely connected to masturbation and excessive edging. I even hurt myself from using my magic wand on my clit for too long, haha.
Well this is a tough position to be in and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to have to choose. I fear the shame from my family, friends and colleagues. Yet I feel so much more satisfied sexually.

No one can decide for you. You have to choose for yourself.

You listed a lot of reasons why you should lose weight, but it seems you'd be unhappy if you lost the weight.

Might I suggest still being fat but less so?

What about meeting yourself halfway? Stay at a size that is functional and financially reasonable for you to minimize stress. Indulge your desires part time so that you can enjoy some of it, without sacrificing the life you want. Perhaps wrapping yourself in fantasy when you're alone can help with those strong urges until (or if) you decide to gain more?

It's very tough, I think a lot of people here struggle, but finding that balance - I think - would be most rewarding in the long run.

I wouldn’t worry to much about not being able to do your job while being bigger, unless your industry requires you to be a certain size there’s very few things you can’t/won’t be able to do. Also don’t worry about what people might say, chances are they won’t say anything but it’s a chance… but most people don’t want to hurt other peoples feelings and if they do say something it’s out of concern for your wellness.., but what I wrote is highly circumstantial, and not everyone has a supportive network

Gaining
May 2021 SW: 269
Now: 308 pounds

peaked at 320 got back down to 255 but i am creeping back up to 274 not trying seem like i have more of an urge to gain weight in the winter time feel that i should lose more weight but always have the feeling that i should be around 300. i am sure that i would get back up to 300 with some encouragement

I feel like I could stay at like 65-75kg and be quite happy, also it's the size of my wardrobe plus financially reasonable to overeat a little bit. Maybe huge stuffing sessions once in a while could work. I tried enema inflation yesterday which I hoped would be a way and while it is certainly pleasurable it doesn't do the trick unfortunately. I have no idea if only stuffing myself time to time would do the thing for me since I like the gaining and blubbery fat part of this fetish much more than stuffing and the fullness itself I think.

It seems like I kinda have to loose weight but yes I also think I will be unhappy. Maybe that's just my mental health issues but I don't think I would be happy obese either. I am already out of breath doing stuff I love and I gotta get in shape so I doubt it would be possible to maintain my lifestyle being more than little overweight...

I was thinking that maybe when I get older I will give so little shit about everyone that I might actually do it if I'd still wanted to. But that's years and years away, I'm still fairly young.

I too have had the same thoughts of wanting to gain most my life. But for various reasons never did. But as I've gotten older I finally, now in my early 40s have decided to give gaining a try. I'm still young enough that health issues shouldn't be as big an issue as I don't plan on gaining huge amounts. But I'm also old enough that I've done most of the things I'd need to be active for. Also, with age usually comes not caring what others think as much.
So, go enjoy your young active years. Know that someday you'll be able to live your fantasy. Then when youve settled down in life a bit you can then decide if gaining would be the route you wanna take. Best wishes!