Fat experiences

I've always had issues with my body; it probably started with the fact that my first boyfriend would always call me stuff like 'plump', and 'thick', when I really wasn't - he was honestly just a beanpole. It only really got worse from there, and now it's gotten to the point where I feel so ugly, and fat, and unlovable that all I can think about is taking a knife to my softer parts and hacking them off.
The weird thing is that I genuinely don't believe being fat is ugly. Of course I don't; the guy I have a crush on right now is overweight, and I think he's the most beautiful, sexy creature to ever set foot on this mortal realm. I think my heavier friends are some of the prettiest men and women I know, and I don't mean that disingenuously; I seriously, completely, and utterly believe in beauty at all sizes... Except when it applies to me. I have no idea how I can admire fat on others so much, but feel so disgusting and useless when it's on me. I have no idea how to break free from these stupid, internal double standard and love myself the way I love others.
Anybody ever go through anything similar?

The very short answer is yes!!

I have trouble accepting myself as a fat person now (since I used to be quite thin) and this site helps my confidence by getting the "approval" of others that being fat is ok and can be beautiful!

I have pretty bad body issues because i have a B Belly and lipedema. So from age FIVE my parents called me fat, starved me, etc because I was given genetics to give me a B belly that I could not control.

As i got older I stopped skipping weeks of not eating and got on a set schedule where i eat normally and healthily and this is the weight i am supposed to be naturally. I yoyo but i dont do it on purpose.

So Yes, i feel bad a lot about my body. My roommate who gained 100lbs even worsens it with telling me im shaped like the Michelin man, Pointing out if i look extra big or bloated, etc . It is a constant struggle. Especially knowing my stomach and upper arms are not changable due to being effected by lipodema and the rest of me thinner and making me look odd. (aka i got fat in the worst parts that society hates)

fckin yikes, sounds like a lot of toxic people around you, family and friends. drop those shits, you don't need them to validate you, you look like a normal human being and you're a professional model. fck them.

wanting people to treat you the way you treat them, wanting people to see you the way you see them, are NOT ridiculous requests for the world. It's okay to accept people for being shit asses, but don't embrace them for it, you can do better, there are plenty of people in the world that don't suck.

It’s a lot better for me in recent years but I still have moments of really disliking my body. My family used to take me to weight loss groups since I was a teenager and I was always told I was fat and felt huge compared to classmates although looking back now I was just chubby.

For me, I looked at and analysed what I loved about seeing other fat people; really cute chubby hands, how soft they are etc, and then try and tell myself “well I have that too so it must be cute too” Even when I was feeling rubbish about myself, trying to identify even one small thing I love about myself really helped.

A lot of my dislike about my own body, is that I don’t have society’s ideal body type and I rarely seeing my body type on social media. So fat positive communities like fantasyfeeder have been really reaffirming.

You just need to take small steps to tell yourself that you are just as beautiful and sexy like you feel about others and you should try to be kind to yourself.